Grain Alcohol (Everclear)

Drunk friend finally found himself in my mirror
"What does drunk friendship mean to you?"
I replied that he should not be using my mirror
"Will you save me this time?" asks drunk friend
I again replied, though this time differently than my first reply:
Haiku Second Reply
there was a savior
His name was Jesus H. Christ
He wore a nice suit

if He came to you
you would reject His offer
of no closing costs

but He is long gone
He took the Feds' offer of
witness protection

The second reply is always a thin riddle! Thiddle!

Wooden Secrets (House of Car)

I am expelling
and you are falling asleep
we both work so hard

expectations suck
as Nature's little tricks laugh
and again, we write

the tragic line up
for a spot with one of us
ignore them, kind of

Sorrow can tear through any structure! We defeat ourselves!

Chicken Nutrients (A Marital Blessing for Stella and Tim)

Like a forklift in motion
He'll grab a nearby spoon and plunge it into the pot
Pulling up a hot, savory surprise
He'll longingly blow on the spoon
And at last, open his mouth to taste my love potion
The Nutrients of Marriage are the Nutrients of Chicken

Tryptophan
A lonely chicken
His posture a crooked road
Where will he travel?
Vitamin B3 (niacin)
The plucky young hen
Dances to the radio
Her beak mouthing words
Protein
A chance meeting now
Lone traveler and dancer
Beaks touch; Feathers twitch
Vitamin B6 (pyridoxine)
How can birds feel so?
That four wings have twice the lift
Allowing full flight
Phosphorus
But these birds will stay
These birds will scratch together
Sharing worms and seeds
Calories (223)
A free-range lifestyle
Watching black and white sunsets
What all birds strive for

Happy marriage! Lots of love to both of you!

Molybdenum (Post-Redux)

You are so dumb
Your brain is numb
And your father? Your father is a bum
And like you, he always wants some
chorus
Molybdenum- it's the nutrient of choice
Helping the speechless find their voice
Molybdenum- from dandelion greens
Helping the helpless make the scene
verse
Cat got your tongue?
Thinking about your mum?
You treat her like chum
Do sharks have tongues?
chorus ii
Molybdenum- taking over this town
Out on the dance-floor spinning around
Molybdenum- to some degree
Is adored by all on bended knee
chorus iii
Molybdenum- controlling your thoughts
Innocence lost in terra-cotta pots
Molybdenum- borrows your things
Book covers stained with coffee rings
chorus iii.5
Molybdenum- god is dead
All worth saying has all been said
Molybdenum- the battle is lost
The theme song's written by Mike Post

Never stop while you're ahead! You're ahead!

Garlic (Accident)

Please drink the anti-freeze
Imagine it's good wine (not great wine)
And you'll get through it
Please write a letter to all the men you've slept with
And tell them that you meant it
Each and every time
Because you really did
And please be a burden
In your next life, too

You are like a hurricane! A southern man don't want him around anyhow!

N-nitrosoethanolamine (NDELA)

burglar and rapist
eat their meals separately
to get their fair share

wife and her husband
hats tossed into the same ring
with brims not touching

hen and a big cock
scratching at the same dry dirt
and then the pecking

Roller skating is great exercise! People on wheels.

Angelica Sinensis

7R: So why the nutrient lag?
1M: The magic is gone.
7R: So is this it? The end of the line?
1M: Too early to tell.
7R: We demand you continue!
1M: Then so be it.

Quantity over quality! Prepare for nothing!

Starch (Starch)

Starch starch
Trite and starch
And you guessed it!
Starch starch
Mom was drunk
Starch
I paid the electric bill
And starch

Strong language brings with it danger. You guessed it.

Methylbenzene

They find Krab passed out in the shed
With a wad of those overpriced blue paper towels
Resting dumbly against his unconscious hand
And while it's easy to view this scene as pathetic
They view it as an shining opportunity
To kill him and make it look like an accident
They use a cigarette
And a tipped-over gallon of paint thinner
To take care of the problem they used to laugh with
And sleep with
The flames take care of the problem of individual weakness
Replacing it with the cunning of survival

Set your friends on fire! Set yourself on fire!

Probiotic Mushrooms

The pizza you ordered
Came with probiotic mushrooms
Which would have been fine
If instead of being hungry
We were interested in living
But we were not interested in living
We wanted to eat pizza
And drink red wine
But somehow you fucked up the order
And the delivery guy
Bless his 19-year old stoned-ass heart
Arrived at our door not so much holding a pizza box
But conjoined with a pizza box
He was covered in life
Vines and flora and even a paw
And he crawled off our porch
Becoming a permanent part of our landscape

The pizza guy was alive! We are alive!

Microcrystalline Cellulose (Nature's Best!)

There is a problem with my "Optitopsysmosis" technology that has not been addressed yet here on Visual Nutrients. I have done what no scientist should ever do: I withheld data that *may* influence how these valuable (yet free on my site) nutrients are absorbed into your body. The problem involves the vision center in the brain and how the data (and, obviously, moleculonutrients) are transferred into your cellular structure when the "tiny moment" concludes. What I am getting at here is the fact that this is not necessarily a visual function, but an optical function. What this means exactly, I do not yet know. I am not a scientist.

Science is pure fact! The best scientists are Jews!

SAM-e (Ural, The)

When we played Risk you
You used to cheat, I
I know it because no one
No one could have rolled those
Those sixes and even*
Even when I watched
Watched you turn the dice over
Over in your hand, I
I still wanted to play again
Again and again

Bob Seger killed his brother Peete! *(not seven)

Purification Rundown (Katie Holmes Target Gift Card)

With the Fascut FS-600 Rebar Cutter Bender
The Garberville project moves along smoothly
With reinforced concrete and steel
Survival and repopulation should not be problematic
Safety and comfort must be emphasized
During the couple's first visit
And tell Katie that Michael Graves
Will also be here in due time

Rethink waste management! One-way valves?

Aristolochic Acid

The white people can't get enough of that ZZ Top!
Afterburner sure carved a new hole in the soundscape
That "shicka-shicka" background snare/cymbal combo
Spoke to the whites' "shicka-shicka" sensibilities
Like that old commercial where the kid gets peanut butter
Into the other kid's chocolate
You got your rock stuck in my blues!
You got your blues stuck in my rock!
And there is no "Behind the Music" special
Showing Gibbons and Ham "tugging the beard"
And there is no Barbara Walters special
Describing Mr. Hill's "alleged" surgery
To create a discrete flap of skin
Capable of hiding small amounts
Of birthwort
From the other white people

National anthem! International mayhem!

Ae_AAT1 (Ae. aegypti amino acid transporter 1)

When transporter 2 inevitably fails you
You know where you can go to feel safe
You know how to relive the comforts of the past
Of your first love
Fumbling about in a shameless fog
You will come back
You will come on back
To transporter 1
And when sickness returns to you
Like memories of a schoolyard threat
You will not see hide nor hair
Of transporter 2
You will end up drunk again
In a phone booth
Calling the only number that makes any sense
The number
To the home of transporter 1
And the familiar voice will soothe you
Reaving the chelated fears from your sides
You will come back
Yes you will come on back
To transporter 1

Try being the one you will always love! Narcissist!

Silo Gases

Your old apartment in Edgewater
With the brown carpet
Has been rented out to an Ohio couple
Who tragically have fewer limbs
Than most Ohio couples
And I am not asking that you
SEND MONEY
To the limb-challenged pair
But it is certainly an option
Given that you have the money
And know the address

There once was an Ohio couple
Whose grain silo formed a gas bubble
Some limbs were removed
By the exploding tube
As it launched up to space near the Hubble

When you lived in Edgewater
Making your fortune
Using both of your legs
And both of your arms
To walk around on the brown carpet
Holding a phone and a drink
Telling me
Business is business!
I would try to picture you
On fire in front of some corn

Be careful out there today! Limb-challenge!

Pine Needle (Threat)
I know a lot of smart people
And I am sure
You think you know a lot
Of smart people

I know a lot of genuine people
And I am sure
You think you know the next line
Because you are smart

I know a lot about you
And I am sure
You think I have no idea
About your true intellect

I know a lot about myself
And I am sure
I am in no position to judge you
But I do
And I am correct

You are mad at smart people! You are oh so mad!

Hydrozyme 250T

digestive tract-homes
but you always say "track-homes"
my stomach hurts bad

our boy is gone now
replaced by nothing at all
dogs and the childless

I learned a new trick
on how to consume sorrow
without the burning

was life ever full
enough to make up for
all this drastic loss?

There are millions of unwanted animals! Want and love is not enough!

Galerina Autumnalis (one of the three destroying angels)

Randall had driven his Datsun 610 out onto the frozen lakebed before
He knew to stay within 100 yards of the shoreline
Even though the lake was only 300 yards across
But tonight they had managed to stuff six people in the car
Trevor had Callie on his lap in the passenger seat
Nina and Greg were already making out in the back
And Sheila kept her eyes locked on Randall's from the back seat
Jokingly, but not
Randall asked if he should go for it
Trevor couldn't talk because he had Callie positioned exactly right
But Callie said, "Sure, man. What do we have to lose?"
(and the sad thing is, Callie really did have nothing to lose)
Nina and Greg, keeping true to their future idiocy
Chanted, "Do it! Do it!"
And Sheila, through the rearview, made a "Home Alone" face
And winked at Randall
Letting him know that the outcome did not matter

Take a risk with your friends! Friendship is temporary!

Henbane (Hyoscyamus Niger)

When you feel the world is closing in
And your burden weighs a ton
When the guilt and shame of your past sins
Makes the Devil think he's won
You must remember you've got something
That can make that Devil run

When the light of life has lost its glow
And the candle's short on wick
There's a little secret you should know
A sleight of hand, a ruse, a trick
You'll need a scalpel and a crucifix
A bit of henbane, sage, and sticks

Now the Devil isn't stupid
So you'll have to do this right
Or you may as well just give up now
If you're not willing to fight

So you wait until September 4th
A day of questionable significance
And you draw a seven-pointed star
On the kitchen floor. Magnificent!
Then you call the Devil out from hiding
From a Starbucks out in Michigan

There is no Devil! Super-Devil!

Grossly Inadequate Carotenoids

I looked in the cupboard for the adequate carotenoids
I could not
For the life of me
Find them
I looked even deeper
On the lower shelves
(behind which many an onion
or potato
has softened into inedibility)
And I could not find them

I lowered my standards
And searched for the passable carotenoids
Lo and fucking behold
No sign of them, either

So here I am
Once again settling
For what you have left me
Hidden behind the cinnamon sticks
We bought for the mulled cider

I know in my heart (and really, I do)
That inside this oxidized Tupperware
Are grossly inadequate carotenoids
Meant to make me feel small (it worked)
And to ruin my life

Being thrifty can save you a bundle! Broken glass...ouch!

Cher

So this Lebanese doctor
Tells me he took his wife to the Cher concert
"She's Armenian! And she's so sexy!"
And I don't quite get it
Because there was no Middle East when I was young
Listening to Half Breed and then
Glenn Miller and Herb Alpert
There were Indians and cowboys and Mexicans
And our Sears console stereo
Did not leak blood or smell of shit
And I would stuff a pillow in my pajamas
Pretending I was fat

Seduce a friend! Regret is a type of cheese!

Hot Lipids

human woman breast
landslide in Laguna Beach
a crib from Target

it all starts with milk
the ground literally shifts
to make room for life

we draw warmth closer
and rebuild on the faultline
this building is strong

Good friends have babies! Have a baby!

Sat. Fat

In my dream I was surrounded by concerned people
All of them faceless
White people
Without benefit of face
Yet concerned about me

The doctor in the group told his interns
About how I must be really depressed
And it was true
About thirteen expressions of concern
Each face a hair-framed Ganzfield
Every one of them focused on me

The dream is over now
Of course
And I have lived through the day
Knowing that all dreams bring with them
Some truth
And when I sleep tonight
I hope those thirteen faceless bastards
Bother someone else

Stare at an American Flag! The blue color is the absence of feathers!

Larry King

He fights for the strong
While destroying the world
Larry
Larry
He should have been buried
Buried alive
Larry
Larry
He eats human flesh
As part of a bizarre ritual
Larry
Larry
And he drinks his own urine
And that of others, too
Why won't he die?
Why wasn't he buried?
Buried alive!

Television is the cure. Disease is the disease!

Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus

The first-line oral agents let me down
Didn't they?
Now I'm just another 21st-century
Pus-draining neo-leper
Haiku Pus-Draining Neo-Leper
skin becomes a myth
when component parts dissolve
nature liquifies

I tried to scratch off my nipples as a child! Still got 'em!

Warning!

Today's nutrient utilizes a new technology to bring nutrients into your body. It is experimental and should only be read if you are willing to chance a possible meeting with the Manager.
Transmitter/Recipient (Sheraton Hotel Remix)
You cannot argue that the goverment wants to believe us
Because sometimes a trapdoor is tripped up
And dead government agents must be pulled quickly
To the relative safety of calmed water

Taking too much can make people hate you! Taking too little can leave people at the dance club!

Mercury (79 24' Flair by Fleetwood)

Live the dream
and bring your home with you
24 foot motorhome with strong 440
and less than 60k miles on engine
Death forces sale
First $2000 cash takes it

Why bother trying? Craigslist poetry rules the roost!

Darjeeling II

Drunk friend tells me to fuck off in an email
Which makes sense, since I never came through
On my promise to "have my brother's back"
I do not have my brother's back
Because these "brother's back" promises
Are extracted by tipsy surgeons
Initially hailed as successful and life-saving procedures
Of which they are neither

Do you have my back? Then let go.

Vanadium [Gut-Punch (R)emix]

I thought about you, baby
When I went to the stadium
You were sniffing glue
At the Hollywood Palladium
I went to the game
And you went to the show
And while you were busy huffing
I was scoring some blow
I cut a couple lines
On the top of the urinal
I could taste the baby powder
Nothing these days is pure and I'll
Bet you forty dollars
That you didn't get laid
Because the apron you were wearing
Said "Molly Maid"
A girl came in the bathroom
She had real long legs
She said if I made bacon
She would handle the eggs
I told her I had dough
And I would gladly make a fritter
She had the body of a goddess
And the face of John (R)itter
Then I thought about you grooving
With your face all full of sticky
Keistering the tube of Testors
Wasn't all that tricky
Then (R)itter lifted up her dress
And I saw the devil
It was like looking in a mirror
With edges that beveled
I ran and caught a taxi
Yes I got away clean
Until the taxi driver
Pulled out the Vaseline
That's when I pulled my nine
And I threatened his life
He said "I've got three kids
And a beautiful wife
I have cracked lips
Which explains the product petrolium"
I accepted his answer
So we went to the Bowlium
He rolled a perfect game
I rolled a 205
And every day I wake up
I'm just glad I'm alive

Most nutrients come in some sort of wrapper. Don't let a rapper come in you!

Helicopter Sauce

Truncate the last groomer
Placate the portent spewers
The spewers develop racist ideology
While waiting for gooey dough
Tax preparing software denied us the special attention
We sought
Homosexual dinosaurs copulated on cliff walls
Opaque paintings of the new currency

Up goes the pale flag! Try investing in Ruby Mining Company!

Herring Oil

Whenever you leave the house
I think about dipping some of your things
In herring oil
So you would come home
And the cats would be licking your dad's old lamp
Or maybe that Zuni fetish bear necklace I gave you
And the house would stink of fish
Then you would know how much I hate when you leave
And you would have learned your lesson
And do what I tell you from now on

You have a doctorate in dignity! Dr. D! Ph.D.D!

Mineral Spirits

Do you remember when rock died? (It actually dies about every four years)
The last death was Peter Townshend
Who didn't have the dignity to actually kill himself
And before that it was Stephen Stills
Who went to the same websites
And paid with an offshore account
And before that it was Pat Benatar
Did you know she ran a puppy mill?
Did you know about her NRA membership?
Do you remember when rock died?
When Elvis Costello got plastic surgery
And Stuart Goddard was introduced to Depakote
Yeah. That was when rock died
When all those things happened

Build a prayer mound. Now pray it's a perfect mound!

Problem Trait

Confidence and white gas
Couldn't keep the lost hiker alive
When the wind picked up and the clouds rolled in
He wrote his goodbye note in pencil
On the topographical map
He bought at the REI Co-op
In Claremont, California
His freeze-dried ice cream
With the astronaut graphic on the front
Was found the next Spring
And then given to his little brother
At the memorial

Use lemon juice to soak your razor blades. Sharp and tangy!

Lemon-Lime Soda

There is a lucky number
And the number is seven
There is a group of people
That wait to get to Heaven
There is a delicious soda
And it fizzes and it bubbles
There is a group of seven
And seven always doubles

Nuclear weapons are funny! Laughing is healthy!

Sassofras Variifolium

Seven pilgrims trudged forth on the fourth
They forced their way into the fort
And the three made love while the four gave birth

The Seven, now more, worked hand in hand
To nurture the pups and save the land
My father drunk
My sisters, tanned

And are you still reading, my loyal Seven?
Are your pups in school and your bread unleavened?
Did you know John Ritter had a son named Kevin?

Heads up! Seven up!

Pope Sauce (Creamy JPII Mix)

Yes. I know.
Visual Nutrients is at an all time low.
I fell into the trap of trying to please the Seven.
The seven people beside myself that read Visual Nutrients.
Along with that, I have almost nothing to offer.
I don't care if you have the proper nutrients to survive.
Do you want to know why the Pope died?
He didn't read Visual Nutrients.
Do you want to know why Terri Schiavo died?
She dried up like a funny white raisin!
Limerick Funny White Raisin
There once was a brain-dead bulemic
Whose existence became quite polemic
I got stuck with the couplet
Because I gave up-let
Burt Convey helped move crates of Z-Brick

You see! There's nothing left. Go away!

Calcium Hydroxide

I remember when you joined the Wilbees
You wore your tap-hat and ghost-shroud like a little princess
And you didn't wince at all during the scraping
You erupted into flames once the liquid was pressed out of you
You were like a burning bone beacon
And the Wilbees promised me a sepia-tone photo
Of what you looked like before you were born

Try hiding in your past! Your memories are your weakness!

Lactose (Bra Sample)

This woman at the picnic table
In the big catbox where they pulled out all the small plants
And chopped the trees to shit
So she says
I got this catalogue where they sell a bra made out of diamonds
And I ask her if she thinks of her breasts as decorative sex organs
And upon hearing this
She pulls out a jeweler's loop
And pulls off her sweater
And she says
Look for yourself

My fantasies are stupid! It's safer to keep them secret!

Chromium Hexavalent (CrVI) Compounds

I misread a caption in the newspaper this morning
What I read was this:
God answers all prayers and His answer is "No"
I thought I had stumbled upon some brilliant, yet embittered, theologian's epiphany that his lifelong search for meaning had been a waste of time
And then I thought about the crafty believers who would try to trick God
They would pray to remain poor or pray to not get laid tonight
Expecting the inverse to occur
Not realizing the deal would not work like that
At least not every time
Because every time one says "No"
It is not exactly what one means
No, I don't love you
No, I don't want another drink
No, I've never had sex with a chair

Try being proud of yourself for a change! You are asleep!

Aluminum

Twenty minutes into Antiques Roadshow
We realize it's a repeat
And that woman from Vermont
Got tricked into buying a vase
And she cries about what she spent
Because she thought it was something other
Than a very beautiful vase

Massage can be too enticing. Try oral first!

Arachnid Pheromones

eight-legged dancer
controlling men through her scent
such a good woman

Try a different religion. Your god is stupid!

Guarine Sauce (Palenque Tribal Recipe)

George W. Bush forwards an email to Robert Plant
The original sender, James Spader, will one day become an actor
Spader has written to President Bush asking for forgiveness
Bush assumes Spader is seeking a "dull needle" and forwards the email
Plant is outraged
Outraged

You try writing this shit. I feel empty.

Croton Oil

So there we were
All lined up like Nazi milktrucks leaving the dairy
Five kids being questioned
About a Popsicle stick left in the yard
It didn't just walk there on its own
Dad being clever

My brother Mark
Textbook example of the Adlerian middle-child
Stepped up and took the blame
And the rest of us were released
While Dad and Mark walked, purposefully
To the garage

Aerate your potting soil with shards of glass! Seed protection!

Bad Chianti

dark house
sleeping wife
cat's on the chair
bad chianti
in a very nice glass
no complaints from me

Aspartame is tumor dust! Use public transportation!

ce dangereux supplément

James Earl Jones drinks too much
And uses science to lure Festival Rats
To his little show
The juggling bear, Edward, has always loved
Lengthy Llama
And Kanga has a special gift
For Pesky Primate
And all the while
James measures out his nightcap
In a graduated beaker

Raise a glass for your health! Enjoy the show!

Palm Oil (California squeeze mix)

I love what you did with car commercial
When the girl gets splashed with platinum dust
She looks like a comet
So hot but made of ice
Like all the girls in California

You work too hard! You must be mature!

Warfarin Sodium

You never met the standards of a confectioner
What that means, exactly, is anybody's guess
But to flirt with having sweetness almost every single day
Can only cause a normal man duress
The birthday cake you made me was a poisoned one
(Actually the frosting, not the cake)
You must have spent a lot of time detesting me
And mandatory testing's a mistake

Guess who's in the VIP room? John (R)itter!

Forest Honey (natural vengeance)

I am Forest Honey and I don't appreciate
The killing of my friends
Or the numbers 6 and 8
I call upon the animals that live within the woods
To bite and take away from you
The ugly, bad, and goods

Quit being so hard on yourself! Try relaxation breathing!

Oat Bran

Bruce Willis uses a letter opener to seduce (P)esky Sales Associate
Mr. Willis fights his way to the ice cream through the hellish green jungles of Vietnam
Three of the new flavors are mixed with (h)eavy numbers
And Bruce needs to think about security
As he grows older
Because he has broken a lot of hearts
Through seduction
And just plain bad luck

You've broken your share of hearts. Heartbreaker.

Fluoxetine

War photographer finds Native Americans everywhere:
I think I'm looking through air, but I'm not. I'm looking through Native Americans.
Airline pilot puts American Indians in his travel bag:
They're handy to have around. I don't know what I'd do without American Indians.
Archaeologist keeps First Nation corpse-parts in a university basement:
I like to think that the First Nation watches me when I'm dressing. Ooh, I get goose-pimples!

There's a man in your bathroom! (P)illow-fight!

Forest Honey

You've got dried leaves stuck to your back
Raccoons ate the trail mix in your pack
Out here in the woods I'm gonna spend my money
A direct deposit to you, Forest Honey
You smelled of the city when you first arrived
Of the four that came, you're the one that survived
I never meant to hurt any one of the others
It's just that they looked so much like my mother
chorus:
Forest Honey tastes so sweet
Dark and sticky
Made by bees
Bees of the forest
Wilder than most
Forest Honey, great on toast
Forest Honey, I love you the best
You're the only one that passed my test
Like a proud country's flag, you're on top of the pole
You've got a city girl's body, but a Forest Honey soul
chorus

All things natural are completely safe! Consequence is natural!

Sodium Laureth Sulfate

early whaling ships
decks darkened with rendered fat
saturated black

Try mixing some lye into your Red Bull. You can be soap!

Yeast (1983 (R)emix)

Brad and Ned built a bed
On which their critter would sleep
Though Critter was rested
The bed got infested
With (r)emnants of (R)itter the creep

You used to collect action figures! How faggy!

Yeast

I watched you fall in love
and you grew up so fast after that
Brad filled you with drugs
and then
you took off with him
to Wyoming
where you both cared for his sick mother
who faked her sickness to control Brad's love for you
and then when you found out
you left him and got sober
and Brad started a blog
writing haiku about the Civil War
and for some reason he is immensely popular
his first post is the best:
Haiku North vs. South
musket prevention
soft potato for dinner
boll weevil sour cream
and the fact is that Brad writes each post
hoping that you catch on to the key words
like war

You are now free to remove the candle from up inside your ass! Ass is a key word!

Sesame Oil

you have grown a protective beard
kind of an atmosphere for your face and self
protecting you from a certain space
a space that does not have the decency to be empty
a space that has your fingerprints all over it
making you ashamed you were ever tempted to touch
but your beard deflects the comet-dust of shame
spraying it back at your new enemies as shrapnel
and your new enemies, confused, wish you the best

Time heals all wounds. So fucking untrue.

Rye Flour

the other night I thought about praying
and how I would have to put my hands together
and slide them them slowly into a zoo animal
named "Kanga"
and how Kanga would turn her cartoon head
and Kanga's eyes would turn milky white
like that chick from the Omega Man
when (H)eston thinks he's home free
when he thinks to himself
"I'm the last man and she's the last woman...ooh yeah"
and then she pops up from behind the couch
milky-eyed women always poppin' up and scaring
the last man

Your liberty was costly, but worth it. I think you're (H)eston!

Fennel Seeds (Hulled using reverse-nitrogen flushing)

Watching the car chase on channel 9 last night
Was totally relaxing
It reminded me of when I used to watch the aquarium downstairs
At the house in Massachusetts, when (f)amily happened
The neon tetras were the best
Until pleistophora hyphessobryconis
Tore through the tank
And as if pleistophora hyphessobryconis
Found its way into channel 9
The red and the blue stopped
As the chase ended

People in Boston have mob ties! Mob ties!

Calcium Citrate

Why did we move from Whimsy, California?
Was it the increasing number of deer ticks?
Was it the independent rock band that got lost in our mountains?
(Rumor has it, the remains were found but ignored)
Or were things just too damned simple in Whimsy?
Haiku Complicated Life
pills for depression
tax sheltered annuity
tipsy death marches

Limes have bones! Try milking yourself!

Magma

You push for Pitt
While trampling my art
You obscure your Jennifers
While defiling yourself
A declaration of war is in order
A war on your thoughts
Because you are a man who wears tights
And while disgusted
I am delighted

The comment section is about to be axed. Speak your mind!

Fructose

manslaughter filled the igloo
with terror wine
purchased from Zach's Lowdown Market
because at Zach's, the customer comes back

one would like to believe that a strong man
would reek of confidence
the kind of confidence on special this week at Zach's Lowdown Market
because at Zach's, the customer comes back

evidence from the lab had melted
and was refrozen into cubes
and served to the funny man
whose laughter warmed our hearts

this far up north
it behooves you to keep moving forward
unless you are going to Zach's Lowdown Market
because at Zach's, the customer comes back

Kids need vitamins. Give pills to children!

Sucrose

Affirmation kills the sports representative
Bloody and dead before he could utter the nine words
THE NINE WORDS THAT COULD SAVE HUMANKIND
Affirmation stands, stupid, with a potato ricer
The blind child of Affirmation, Little Chet, is effeminate
Posing sexily in the undergarments stolen from a mummified corpse
Dirty bandage over tiny man-stuff
Chet is a model for the future
Chet knows the NINE WORDS but will not reveal them to Affirmation

Sweet nothings really are nothing.

Puma Oil (Sexual Lubricant)

the ten-speed bike's handlebars pointed up proudly like the horns of an elk
aluminum handbrakes jutted and wired for action
a thin, uncomfortable wedge of a seat waited patiently for my stupid teenage ass
an underinflated front tire to match my self-esteem
I pulled hard on a Winston cigarette
and decided to take the Datsun

You can't (d)ry hump forever! Try screwing like normal people!

Swine Oil (no swine harmed/coaxed oil process)

So it's a tough call, basically
On whether to respond favorably to someone with a gracious nature
Or to dig a little deeper and find out they've ruined lives
And taken lives
Like, with a gun
And it makes me wonder what it is I'm really supposed to be doing
THERE ARE MISSION STATEMENTS
But they conflict
And each person I speak with
Conflicts
If it isn't with others (and most often, it's not)
It is with themselves
Because nobody wants to believe
That their actions really do make a difference
That being said
I miss talking about (R)itter
Those were the carefree days
When my (n)eck was sore
But now I have a hard time conjuring up Mr. Ritter
And I don't even think I'm angry at (h)im any longer

Thinking adds to the conflict! Try being useless!

Incipitos (Ted Nugent Volatility Theorem)

we have, in a box
an old Remington pistol
with two boxes of ammunition
otherwise known as bullets
or rounds, as it were
outside of the box--is us
in a neighborhood so dangerous
there is no question what we must do
it takes us days to build the dummy
Dummy stands thirteen feet tall
limbs made of old sheets
wrapped around pillows and trash
Dummy's body is actual flesh
from our heist at Albertson's
where that girl kept mouthing off
and throwing off our concentration
and we had no choice
but to carry her over
Dummy's head is from a comic strip
two-dimensional and black and white
except on Sundays

Nutrition begins with self-health! Every morning, say "I'm self-healthy!"

Incipitos (quad-level oxy-metric flavor)

Please check back for the real Incipitos!

Crystalinedioxymethamphetamine

It always felt good to rub a stone on your skin
It was always nice to have a person undress for you
It was almost always perfect when we felt each others' breath
But now we have to work
And we would become ill if we stayed up all night
And I have that thing with my heart
And I love you so much anyways
That your breath still feeds my lungs
That your skin radiates love
That we were always naked
And it is because we work

I really love my wife! I hope you have love in your life!

Mink Oil (processed using the harm reduction model)

Chief Namba brought out chicken eggs
And showed us how to crack them
Using our thoughts
The eggshells split perfectly in half
And the whites and the yolks
Defied gravity
Waiting for Chief Namba to teach us
Another fucking mind trick

Try exfoliating a car!

SAM-e

indifferent you
locking horns with antelope
your head seems so soft

incredible you
in therapy with an elk
were you always strong?

weak me on the ice
helpless on a flat river
fast water beneath

rescued by a moose
you control him by whistling
you, loved by a moose

you rule nature's beasts
but I am not natural
you and the moose kiss

my old jealous rage
the moose pinches your nipple
am I still writing?

Stop while you're ahead! Visual Nutrients ends today!

Dumpling Sauce (Toby McGuire)

I did not see your Spiderman film
Because I was drinking
My wife and I loved that Wonder Boys movie
Because I was drinking
But then I realized what a destructive role alcohol was playing in my life
And I gave up drinking
And because I gave up drinking
I finally understood what role you played in my life
You are not a spider
You are an aperitif
And I am drinking again

My promises mean nothing! Yes they do!

Pony Root

we were driving back from the Montclair Plaza
and my wife, out of nowhere, asks me if she can "take a peek"
I consider myself to be pretty open minded, mind you
but I think all the shoe shopping had put me in a bad mood

Let your wife do what she wants! Chinese shoes!

Dreamgirl (tincture)

the bathroom at camp
ejecting Dreamgirl's leavings
never wake me up

Dreamgirl is now mom
her teardrops are not like rain
she runs from my dad

her footprints are gone
meaning she walked upriver
Dreamgirl is a trout

the bathroom at home
where I wash away Dreamgirl
what a fucked-up night

Quit dreaming about your mother! Pop music is your new career!

Silica

an earthquake off Indonesia
sent beautiful ocean waves
across my neice's drawing
what she thought was Santa's sleigh
was really a fishing boat
with three men inside (not presents)
and these men would return home
with fish that, through no fault of their own,
had switched places with the men's families

Try using club soda when swallowing your pills! You take pills!

Myrrh (extract from ritually mummified corpses)

spice-scented bandage
an outdoor wrestling contest
gauze is the real cause
Jesus cheats again
using oxidized myrrh oil
makes him slippery
the audience cheers
sunlight makes a shiny Son
basking in glory

Nurses used to make their own bandages! Lubricate!

Clove Oil

Spending the holidays with my brother's children
My heartbeat is audible and irregular
Struggling to push memories through valves
Long since closed by scar tissue
But as the flow increases
I am surprised at how much blood gets through

A touch of clove oil in your eye feels refreshing! Stupid!

Pine Sap

pine sap mixed with blood
between the trunk and his hand
another christmas

a drip of bloodsap
accusatory finger
carbon-slush bootprint

panicked gravities
yank my ornaments earthward
meteor fragments

Testor's model cement is inflammable. Flame on!

Darjeeling (a call to arms)

Old wars make drunk friend even angrier than usual
My support, though offered, will never be enough
He asked me to help and I told him that the wars will not stop
The fighting will continue
And brothers will take bullets for one another
And that these brothers die meaningful deaths
Which is so much more empty than passing unnoticed

Alcohol is making you stupid! Have some tea instead!

Walnut Oil

John Ritter never told me he had a son (child)
Just another piece of "missed information" (boy)
Whether an intentional lie or simply an oversight,
I have messaged (A)sner regarding the potential for a new era
The world had breathed a sigh of relief when Ritter escaped
A collective gasp can now be heard (sound)
A gasp that escapes from the throats (noise)
The throats that exist in the hosts
The hosts that brush close to the (R)itter spawn
John Ritter never told me much about his life (past)
But he should have mentioned the kid (son)

Visual Nutrients is contrived! How is your (n)eck, boy?

Ash pt. II

Yes, my friends
The records have been destroyed
That Japanese Clash bootleg from 1979?
The whole Malmquist collection?
Gone.
Those Birthday Party 12-inches?
Gone.
So breathe in some ash
Like all the residents of Palmer Canyon
Whose material possessions were decimated
In the firestorms
And yes,
I know that garage-water and mold
Lack the romance of FIRESTORMS
But romance or not
The results speak volumes
Destruction can be Hollywood sexy
Destruction can be lap-dance wet-spot
But it can also be a soft punch to the ribs
Just enough pain to remind you
That the older you get
The longer the bruises stay around

You are irresponsible! Nutrition avoids the negligent!

Rapeweed

The sun moves around
Morning brings a new vision
My sister is upset

Keep up the good work! Lemongrass soothes freaks!

Ash

Out in the garage
I found our dog's old shock collar
The one that we never had the heart to use
And I noticed the wet concrete
On which sat my entire record collection
The wet cardboard boxes peeled easily away
Revealing the Who's Zoo bootleg
And the Cabaret Voltaire 12-inch
And the Ultra-man picture disc
Thousands of my prized albums, ruined
I put the shock collar around my neck and barked
I barked until the sun went down

Almost everything you do is forgettable! Have some tea!

Cabbage Root

I was asked by a man for thirty-three cents
I couldn't help but think of RPM
And the great days of vinyl records
I have a couple thousand sitting in my garage
I waved the guy off like he was nothing to me

I'd rather have women ask me for money! Women have pussies!

Milk Thistle

Cream that'll
Show 'em what you're made've
Had your shade-grown hyphen-laden terror-coffee?
Didn't think-so
Sew a Betsy-Taboo-Rasa
And I'll meet you at el casa
We can have a cold cerveza
I'll sing vocals
You'll play bass
A hanging man is not so funny
Milk, this'll keep prostate runny

In a double-blind study, there were no milk thistle recipients who burst into flames. While this isn't evidence of milk thistle's ability to ward off spontaneous combustion, we can theorize that there is some benefit to those recipients who seek to be more fire retardant. In the placebo group, however, all 96 subjects were found in neat little ash-piles. The Swiffer Wet Jet was superb at not only cleaning up the subjects, but leaving the lab floor with a "sit-on" sheen.

Wine-Filled Goose-Neck

gotta little baby with a wine-filled goose-neck
all the little duckies go heck, heck heck
no-one had the seventy or even the tens
plaster's got a crack and the larvae aren't men
Holy holy, the prayer brings me home
Holy, holy, Thanksgiving in Rome

Television is your downfall! You are the me of today!

Short Skirts (Bring me the booty remix)

You know what I like?
Do you think I like mulch?
Do you think I like to compost my kitchen and garden waste?
Or do you think I like realigning the hinges on the kitchen cabinets?
Well I've got something to tell you
Sometimes I like the things I mentioned
Sometimes it makes me feel good to fix a cabinet
Sometimes it feels good to do something with scraps and weeds
And sometimes egg
Sometimes egg and toast is good
Not the kind with blood and scab
Not the kind that cleans the crab
Do you think I like to mulch?

Science Fiction! "Non-Fiction!"

Vitamin D

It's very important that you wear magnets on your "non-use" genitals. It's equally important to remember who brought you into this world...your parents! Use your parents as a resource, unless they abandoned you. Then you're screwed. But really, not as screwed as those who were not abandoned. Let's face it. Birth is abandonment. The rest is just a stupid fucking game where people pretend that love is stronger than their petty needs and desires. Magnets have been scientifically proven to be worthless as health aids.

Genitals lead to loss. Cut your losses.

All Hallowed's Eve (Bridge Mix)

You went alone, but you saw the christian war movie
You cried when the dumb yet loyal guy got shot
By the Germans
The Germans shot him down
And they laughed and made Nazi comments, like:
What a stupid American patriot! How I love to kill stupids like him! I eat many bratwurst!
So it's true about the Germans
And I'm half German
So with me, it's half true

I love German food. I hate the nazis!

Recognition of Uniformity (Balast and Cable)

Oh you, the nutrient whores
How is it that you still seek
The pleasure of a peek
To maintain health in such a lazy fashion
Where is your passion?
You go not to the pharmacy
To buy the vitamins, including "C"
Oh, such busy bees
Propolis is not a Soviet word
Soviet word
Vodka nerd
Always using glasnost
To be heard
Soviet word
Arm the Kurds
Thanksgiving Turkey
Borders blurred
Got a little secret for you
It starts with one and it ends with two
You get to the end and you're stuck with boo
Russian rabbits know the Hoppity-Hoo!

Tinned fish never had thoughts. You never had thoughts.

Trader Joe's Vegetable Nests

I saw you run from historical pests
I watched you glisten when you got wets
The air was manipulated by engine jets
Franklin Bruno never had pets
That's why we like the Trader Joe's Vegetable Nests
Oh, that's why we even fucking exist
Yeah I'm glad that we fucking exist

Peter! I'm sorry if you think I've besmirched you! I would never besmirch you!

Gotta Pee but got New Shoes

Oh yeah, I'm at the computer
But I found quite a bargain today
At the Ontario Mills Mall
Yeah, I got me some new shoes
Gonna wear 'em at my new job
Yeah, you don't have a new job
'Cuz I'm better than you
After all I've learned about equality and fairness
I'm better than you
Because I know when to stop
With the scissors
Yeah, I'm better than you
Because I know what it means
When the bottom drops out
And I know how to deal
With the hideous shouts
You know I'm better than you
I've always been better than you
Until now

Christmas is just around the corner. Visual Nutrients remains viable. Believe nothing that Joel says!

Chicken Broth (scarce flu vaccine mix)

You received your vaccination
Because you are a bacon-wrapped night-zombie
Why do you wrap yourself in bacon?
Why are you frequenting public restrooms?
Are you seeking out young male prostitutes?
Or are you a lucky recipient?
(chorus)
Lucky recipient gets the taste
Of the sauce that keeps him safe
Lucky recipient takes the cake
But in "fluenza" he will baste
*Baste-cake sauce taste, oh yeah...

Got some elderly? Sauce 'em up!

Nutrients (Visual)

Not not not
This is a blog that's not not not
So don't even try to read read read
Because you will receive no nutritional benefit
What about that, you nutrient seeking bastards?
What about that?
The whole Optitowhatever was a big lie
Don't you feel fat and young?
Are you the fat kid?
FAT KID!!!

You are the fat kid! Extreme sports can be dangerous temptations to smart kids. Be careful out there, because prevention is the best medicine. Are you smart and fat? Yucka yucka!

Candy Corn (diabetic child mix)

Stupid fat kid
Your parents are dumber than you
But that makes no difference
Because you are a future diabetic
I can't wait to see your gangrenous foot
I can't wait to tell you what you shouldn't eat
And what you should
Stupid fat kid
Why're you so goddamned dumb
Fat as a fucking house
If there's a hell, your stupid-ass parents are going there
But you are too
Because genetic/familial lines are a valid but poor excuse
How can we ever move forward as a society
If we keep relying on valid yet poor excuses
I wish you weren't so goddamned fat
I wish you weren't so goddamned stupid
I wish your father would've pulled out or worn a condom
You stupid fat little shit

Fat kids will destroy America! The second amendment is meaningful!

Facial Hair (true story of found ethnicity)

I've decided to grow out my facial hair in order to gain understanding of peoples with hairier faces. My wife thinks it's a bad idea and has considered a ban on kissing and other face-related contact. I will not be deterred, however, even by threats of withheld affection! I know that this hair will open new windows of perspective for me. I long to be considered one of the hairy-faced people. I look forward to the receipt of a knowing look from a fellow hfp.

Did I mention that Visual Nutrients is dead? Can you see my facial hair?

Crippled Rat (true story)

I don't know why the rat was in the ambulance bay, but it was. I even know less why (grammar?) an ambulance was able to run over its two back legs (as if it had three). So this poor daughter of a rat was apparently crawling back and forth for at least an hour, pulling itself around with its front legs (two. not broken.) Nurses were trying to call animal control and the ortho techs were joking about splinting the rat. I was trying to work, but the commotion of the rat was building to a point of serious distraction. It was when the nurses were considering calling the police that I grabbed a paper bag, padded it with paper towels, and went out and put the poor rat into the bag between the paper towels. I walked the bag over to my old Volvo wagon and placed the bag behind the rear wheel. I got into the driver's seat and said "I'm sorry, rat. Bless you and yours." I then backed over the bagged rat. I then rolled forward over the bagged rat. I once again backed over the rat, then again pulled forward. The bag was flat and the paper towels controlled most of the seepage. I threw the bag away and went back to work. I work with savaged people every day, but today I am seriously upset about having to put down that goddamned crippled rat.

People are good! Pray to rats!

Borage Seed Oil (Countdown to Extinction Club Mix)

You're wound up like a top
The top of that wound is round
How soon now until the special sound?
Where is the mop?
You hold your stress in your bones
I stole your dress with the mold
The one in the cellar that you would have sold
When will we hear the special tones?
The pills seem to help with your mood
Ontario Mills has a special on shoes
I prefer jazz to the blues
Your cochlea's made out of wood

Visual Nutrients is finally over. There will be no more entries. Go away.

Compound Bow

wife says she's real tired
"you go out to get the wine"
hop in the Volvo

the new Interpol
finally some good music
Fall night rock session

driving and feeling
I love these dangerous streets
gentrification

Nancy down the way
what on earth is she holding?
holy fucking shit!

Monday Pomona
she pulled back the compound bow
nice shot for a chick

guy went down like that
slapping at the arrow's point
he was so hurting

what had this guy done?
to deserve to be skewered?
in my neighborhood!

it was really true
Stater Bros for more wine
[explanation: "Bros" is pronounced "Brothers"]
she shot the fucker

he called out for help
he was all of, say, sixteen
he spit up some blood

I just wanted wine
not to be a goddamn witness
I just kept driving

back home with the wine
red and blue phosphorescence
beams through my windows

I feel bad for her
she really meant what she did
arrow in boyfriend

police ask questions
what happened? we saw nothing!
I love Pomona

The Visual Nutrients blog is finished. Go away!

Paper

quit reading right now
lou reed decaf container
wearing sunglasses

no more nutrients
(R)itter and (A)sner are gone
your neck is better

electronic paper
mediums gone to the highs
eat your computer

dishes stacking up
dogs gone fucking ballistic
pay with check by phone

mother in law-yer
oral sex with Bill Moyer,
Bill Gates and Tom Sawyer

redacting gone bad
blacklisting my zombie dad
blood orange grafting

Paper is not a nutrient! Purchase oral nutrients for optimal health!

Camphor (Tapatio con Julep)

My back is really sore from moving my mother-in-law
My mother must have been sore after having me
I'm sore at my mother for being half of me
My mother's lawyer plays tricks on her
Leaving Hallmark cards outside her bedroom window
With cartoon carrots saying, "Luv ya a bunch"

Grab the world by the horns. The world has horns!

Empty Calories

I think this blog has run its course
I think about my friends' divorce
I think I will not ride the horse
You play the Greeks, I'll play the Norse
We'll meet again on distant shores

I'm out of ideas! I'm sweating!