Wednesday, June 30, 2004


Playground fight reads Atkins Manifesto! (P)layground is for married couples with (H)eart. Try the smoothies at Juice It Up! Juice It Up! Let pogrom pilgrims placate the blue plate special and head to Mountain Meadow. Be extra-person. Be extra-person NOW!

The (R)ed man didn't have a chance. The (R)itter took his (H)eart!

Saturday, June 26, 2004


Three Turks walk into a bar and one says to the bartender, "I'm feeling sleepy from the full meal I ate during my holiday celebration."
The bartender, (C)arl, looks at the first talking Turk and says, "There's plenty of hotels in the area if you need a place to sleep."
At this point, the second Turk steps up to the obviously Armenian bartender and says, "Yeah. You know what it's like to sleep, don't you?"
The (o)bviously Armenian bartender turns to Cindy and says, "Whoop-La-La!"
All bets are off for the rest of the evening.

Take a (T)urk to June Lake. Bad fishing beats work!

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Wow. I said it.
You believe me when I said it.
You say it right uptop!
God I love you.
You say it right uptop.
No matter what the Mexicans do.
You are super. Sugar baby.
Let the thoughts out in the shower.

Try letting go of the Mexicans. Tres Robles!

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


She pleaded. She pled. Plead.
He seeded. He sed. Said.
You needed. You Ned. Ned Tillis.
Garden weeded. Garden wed. 1983.
We heeded. We head. We hid from Ned Tillis in 1983.

(N)ed forgives your (h)eart and neck.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Aldehyde Oxidase

He says to the whole bunch of us, "No person has ever been injured or killed by a human mind" and I said that if the mind was in a jar it could cause a whole lot of damage and he says, "You're thinking of a brain. I'm talking about a human mind" and I say back to him that I have an uncle who is wheelchair-bound because of a mind accident.
He says to the whole bunch of us, "This generation is hopeless" and I say to myself and not to him or the others that I sure am glad I'm not a part of this generation.

Go to church and wet yourself. Urine burns!

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Haiku Meat

flesh-stench on heating
weather systems from corpses
swallowing yourself

Dance like a normal person! Do your body a favor!

Saturday, June 19, 2004


What palsied excuse will I make for this afternoon?
Overcast inside and out
This day is my enemy
This day is my sworn enemy
Who had been waiting for me to make my move
And once I launched the attack
He was there and ready with the most cunning of weapons

Try being truthful, then wallow in regret!

Friday, June 18, 2004

Borage Seed Oil (non-fresh)

They say the cannibals weren't interested in tourists
That only a sworn enemy was worth eating
But you
You are worth eating
Yet I am not a cannibal
So you will be spared
Lucky you

Force yourself to vomit. Jerk!

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Borage Seed Oil (outtake #2)

Over by the careful for the cord
Nice, nice. Now up with the hair...that's it--perfect
Now a little lower with the v-neck. That's good
Could we get one with the two of you together?
I just think there's a lot of energy flowing and it's the energy that sells the shots

Let people do what they want to you! Give up!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Panothenic Acid

You didn't have to stay for the whole thing
You could've left with (M)artin or (C)had
But you waited for me...
"Ooh yeah, baby--it means a lot to me-e, oh ooh yeah baby, it means a lot to me-e"
You could have taken the bus or a cab, but you didn't
You waited until they lowered him into the ground
And you could have simply left
But you waited for me...
"Ooh yeah, baby--it means a lot to me-e, oh ooh yeah baby, it means a lot to me-e"
Oh, yeah, sweet sugar
You're gonna get somethin' sweeter tonight
Yeah, I know you had to wait in the rain
The fresh dirt turnin' to mud on that eight foot by three foot area
Yeah, I know you were lookin' at the area
But you waited for me...
"Oh, uh-huh girl, you know it means a lot to me-e, oh ooh yeah baby, it means a lot to me"

Hippety-Hop is good for your (h)eart!

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Joe Pye Weed (Eupatorium purpureum)

We shared food and formed a circle with the enemy
With the unknown so near or far away, we had some or no choice
The corners of her lips met one another at the back of her head
Her thin skin almost clear against her face
Forming a sort of cottage window with veins where the leaded glass should have been

Don't make me come down there! That's're getting it right now!

Monday, June 14, 2004


The division button says "Moscow" on the bottom
While the 9 button says "Cairo"
Chicago is the decimal
This begs the question about Los Angeles

You have negative apples! Women in Rio!

Sunday, June 13, 2004


Often confused with anus
Your word jokes aren't funny
Your word jokes are tiresome
You have a good heart,
So why do you rape language?
I say, in a high voice, "Not funny is not rape!"
And then I say, indignantly, "Tiresome is not rape!"
And you say that I have a good heart
and that I know what you're talking about
And I don't argue
Not because I know it's true,
But because I have confused language and sex
Rape has confused language (W)ith sex
(H)eart has confused language (W)ith love

Try a number 14 treble hook and Zeke's Floatin' Bait. Bad fishing beats work!

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Compressed Air

You take the life of Roy Scheider and...
Like that!
I hear the distant cackling
Oh dear Virgin of Fresno
Sing me to sleep with a song so soft
That a mother's thigh or breast might seem trussed or girded
But dreams and nightmares use the same currency
And it is the latter I spend my savings on
Dear Mother of Scheider: Take what is yours!
Take my goddamned money!

Your actions send shockwaves through the lives of bored people!

Friday, June 11, 2004

Tribulus Terrestris

You're either with the Tribulus Terrestris
Or you're against the Tribulus Terrestris

Add a drop of human blood to your diet soft drink!

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Black Cohosh

we travel back and forth like an Adlerian stick-pony
slow and thick at times, like the air is corn syrup
quick and nimble at others, like the dust is electric
going nowhere all the same

Canned air is what killed Roy Scheider!

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Borage Seed Oil (before the conflict)

When the photo studio shut down
That Korean guy gave you all those empty film canisters
You said that each one was like an empty little world
We live in an empty little world
How sad for all the canisters

Take pills until you can sleep! It's totally safe!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Brewers Yeast

Only the bits of filth were evident after the pepper spilled
Tanya said she cleaned the kitchen but it seems more like she cleaned her pussy for Chad, the clarinet player
Aunt Nanna showed us the rat teat and laughed
Chad shows up for rehearsal. Drunk again.
John Ritter gave up. Ed Asner gave up.
The watery milk from the rat teat is not nourishment
The watery excuses for (R)itter and (A)sner mean nothing to Tanya
Chad gets drunk on rat milk

Who can turn the world on with her pussy? (R)at!

Monday, June 07, 2004

Chondroitin Sulfate (bovine source)

"You so strong for a white man"
Every day, I lift items.
"You pretty as a woman"
Items make my face look better.
"You have two nipples"
Both breasts held intact by items.
"You got nice items"
My items are the nicest.
"Items! Items!"
Yes. Items.
"Ooh! Items!"
God yes. Items.
"You so nice with your items"
I am nice with my items.

Give yourself a chance to grow without (n)eck pain!

Sunday, June 06, 2004


Diet Coke can placed in front of fruitbowl
Mr. Fisher sits--notices can
Mrs. Fisher floats up to ceiling
She screams to her husband to help her regain control
Mr. Fisher picks up can of Diet Coke and takes a refreshing swig
Mrs. Fisher's head changes into the head of a crocodile
Mrs. Fisher now appears comfortable with her lack of gravitational constraints
Mr. Fisher finishes DIET COKE, setting the now-empty DIET COKE can in front of the fruitbowl
Mrs. Fisher wildly flails her legs in the air and is pushed forward to Mr. Fisher
Both embrace
Mrs. Fisher gives a sly, crocodile wink to the camera
Lights fade
The End

The answer is in the second drawer. Hide your weakness!

Saturday, June 05, 2004

Cattail Tea

Endgame features churchmen
Spackle the frame to hide the notches
Endgame invites Brad Pitt to the relish tray
Brad Pitt invites (R)itter-(N)eck to Boston
Endgame features burnt umber vs. raw sienna
You ended up buying the model home
The one with a sliding glass door
Instead of the garage door
Endgame leaves malathion-stains
On your Mercury Bobcat
Leaves sticky leaves

Brad (P)itt fathered a demon!

Friday, June 04, 2004


On the roof of Three-Sharp (tower 3 of sharp, inc.)
Natalie and Gwen made plans to kill their husbands
The criss-cross thumping of news helicopters
And the realization that war is everywhere
Made for an interesting morning

Try a paste of baking soda, paprika, and water!

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Magimba Root

You forget criminal prototype
I imagine you smelly
Regain trust through Mexican hep-talk
I only wanted that trip to Europe
I only wanted a hot, hot cup
Of magimba root tea
You served me the blood of the lamp
You light up my life

Remember- your friends are worried about you. Ass.