Thursday, October 09, 2014


You wanted a homeopath
I gave you a lukewarm bath
You said the soap was full of lye
I said you didn't have to use it
The soapy smell had notes
Entwined with music
I asked you if my words could win me an Oscar
You put a jacket on 'reminded me of NASCAR
Had advertisements for Valvoline and Armor All
When unengorged with blood
A member can seem mighty small
I think I asked you if you'd meet me at the snack bar
I waited hours waiting at the motherfucking snack bar

I'm pretty sure you meant to show up. Please don't listen to your answering machine.

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Castrol 20-50

You blocked me in to my own driveway
And then the joke grew thin
No laughs or pointing fingers
You had seriously lost your mind
I called the police and they had you move your car
You called me a pussy the next night at Michael J's
And then it was all laughs
Because you had the gift
Of pulling the long con
We all figured you were right
It was kind of funny in a terror kind of way
And we obeyed you
You had the intellect and power over pop culture
You were politically astute
We all tried to become you in one way or another
But I knew in a deeper level
You had reached your apex and had nowhere to go
But down
There were those who hung on
But over the decades you started talking to yourself
You would excuse yourself and pace the parking lot
Arguing and smoking nonstop
By then you only had a few followers
Who couldn't stand watching you lose your mind
But they kept watch
Distant but almost available
When I heard you died in a fiery car crash
I could only admire your perfection
In choosing a suicide utterly unproveable
I could say I miss you
But it's not you that I really miss
I miss the person I was
The gullible and diligent lieutenant
Who followed you into dark places
And defended you against the inevitable enemies
I miss being led into oblivion
By a super-smart bastard who never stood a chance
And met a fitting end

Don't order the giant burger. It is truly a burger meant for Giants.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Iron (rusted)

You borrowed my moth
And drove it better than I ever could have
So now I have to hug you
It's not that I don't understand
I was "resting on my laurels"
Whatever the heck that means
But the basic idea is that my lack of impetus
Gave you the right to co-opt my moth privileges
You are correct
I was too wrapped up in my own moth
To see that I had a real moth
But now I am a moth
And you have crossed the line
Basically driving like a moth

Leave moth people alone. They are not always car moth.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Clam Juice (organic clam)

You showed me your shell collection
They were all clam shells
Which is great
But not impressive
You started to tell me about clam variety
And while I verbally agreed
I mentally thought you were stupid
Now had you introduced the collection
As a clam shell collection
Instead of a shell collection
I would have considered you a genius
But you chose the wrong words
And that is unforgivable

Think about your words. You may be dealing with an asshole!

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Zinc: Redux in Blue

You give me that fish-face
The one where you're mad
And have the face of a fish
Not an exotic or prehistoric fish
But a trout or a bass
A normal fish face
So I respond by taking a bait-stance
The stance I take when I fear your madness
And I become a salmon egg
At the end of a treble hook
And we come together in violence
Your lip, gill, or throat is now pierced
And though you may taste me
You will die before I can become a part of you
And the god that has orchestrated this
Drinks Hamm's and thinks his son might be gay

Fishing for rainbow trout with your son? Brown trout might be the ticket.

Monday, September 08, 2014

Calcium Citrate

Matt Damon brings flowers to Matthew Broderick
Nicholas Cage brings restrictions to Nick Nolte
The pictue hangs crooked
Perhaps the walls are not true
Or maybe things just aren't right
I could give you a parade of celebrities
And cloak the meaning of this nutrient in wordplay
But at the end of the day
We are left with an artwork askew
And a smokescreen of distractions
To hide something so simple and forgiveable

Use wall anchors to protect your drywall. Insurance is a lie.

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Zinc 15mg

You brought me the zinc and the strength was 15 milligrams
I listed the actors I know:
Jack Nicholson
Tom Cruise 
Tom Hanks
Tom Sawyer
Tom Collins
Tom Boy
And then I looked to see if the capsules were gelatin
And they were

Zinc has been proven to cure disease. So why are we so sick?

Friday, June 27, 2014

Zinc: Things Have Changed

The cats are dead
They were better to me than I was to them
I do not miss them so I must be an asshole
The oldest dog is dead
She had a name, but it makes me cry to say it
The name is/was Ruby
I can write it and not cry
Which says a lot
As far as the relation to zinc
There is none
I just miss my girl

Most of the life around you will not outlive you. Congratulations.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Zinc: Children of Zinc

You had your brother's Bob Dylan albums
Wrapped in butcher paper
Like they were meat or lamb
And you had work done on your nose
So it's a sure bet that nobody should trust you
I had used an Arby's coupon
As kind of a fake tattoo
But nothing like a real tattoo
In fact I lied and there was no coupon or tattoo

Your nose is like meat or lamb! Your brother was a great man.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Zinc. Regular

We left Portsmith with our memories intact
No creatures from an extremist Hell cursed our thoughts
Or so we thought
We got home and the ice maker started to rumble
Cubes of frozen blood destroyed our old fashioneds
The devil did a devil dance to mock our illusion of safety
If only we had known
That a house without prayer is the Devil's home
We'd have rented instead
We'd have avoided the headaches and rented instead

Use tramadol to control moderate pain. Continue living for moderate pain.