Monday, June 30, 2003


I watched as they poured buckets of stars on you
Skin as thin as paper; the stars tore into you
Who let those bastards with the stars in?

Your bones will eventually forgive you!

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Folic Acid

the dam broke last night
heavy water poured through town
please smoke crack cocaine

poor people are dumb
working in fields for nothing
strawberries taste good

our terrible star
the sun damages us all
harlots in the sand

Cole Porter chin
she looked like an old black man
without any teeth

your cell phone is cool
can you call god from Denver?
my plan charges more

that rope is so fake
you can tell it's not real hemp
please smoke crack cocaine

Push a candle up into your ass!

Saturday, June 28, 2003


Flick located the sanguine retard! Let's play splash for only tomorrow. Great times with elderly cousins are intuited! Keep pondering while Italians yell, "fin" with no prompts. Posters of non-captives are the new collectibles. Flick tries to capture the frog. Flick leaves the door open to the shed. I sure miss Massachusetts.

The amino acids will not "trip" you out!

Friday, June 27, 2003

Vitamin A

A group of 25 climbers set out for Victim's Peak on that cold Thursday mid-morning. Mid-morning had its heady breast settling urgently on the men (and woman). A starless sky greeted "Old Plantoon" out of his walk-slumber, only to be negated by cherubs in the grinder. I put on the pity-mask and started my speech: "When, in times of (N)ational crisis, the executive branch of our (G)overnment effectively sidelines the legislative branch, the boy named Marty shall rise as if on a liftgate. Marty will re-inebriate the skulkers and terry-cloth display experts. Chance will be renamed as virtue and virtue renamed as burnt umber. You, oh climbers of Victim's Peak, are to be quilted into the landscape as a point of reference for all who dared claim that Marty was a dud."

Your liquids remain balanced: unconsciously!

Thursday, June 26, 2003


Hardly a day goes by when there isn't a moon or something even different from space staring in at us like we're stupid or something. It's always about them looking at us and never really about what we could do to them if given half a chance. I'd like to point my finger at the moon and say, "moon, you're going down" and then watch the moon go down like I had commanded it to. With my luck, though, the moon would go up or sideways and all the celestial bodies would join in on the stare-fest at Mr. Stupid who tried to command the moon.

Without potassium, you would fucking die!

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Milk Thistle

When you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say, "Live and let live." You know you did. You know you did. You know you did. Button disheveled shamblin' worm in "wishee" linen, make shoe Givens and pry, say "Linen lead tie. Linen lead tie."

Your liver is literally your "liver!"

Monday, June 23, 2003

Vitamin D

The Red Sea is carbonated! High-float boats carry tourists to Squinky-Town! No room for your livestock, as this ship has carpet. No ice for me, thank you. I just want to watch the bubbles.

Going out into the sun is a good way to get extra vitamin D!

Sunday, June 22, 2003


Fortitude slackens as the dawn light bleaches the beaches. Retinal polliwogs define our picnic. Retinal polliwogs deny the Freedom Fighters ever stepped foot in their country. The whole country collapsed outward, leaving a grassy field in the center. You unload the sandwiches and macaroni salad. Our blanket smells of mildew and garage corner. I am sure we will be attacked by spiders. Fortitude stacks our canned goods, making the cupboard seem larger than usual. You forgot your sunglasses.

Keep a record of the nutrients you take on a daily basis!

Saturday, June 21, 2003


Roller-Blade near 450-thread-count queen sheet set. Your travel brings you to ignore your own oxygen needs. Your travel makes the room air unbreathable. I saw the Discovery Channel special about the little-girl mummy. She looks so much like you in the morning. She looks so good and dusty. Crusty and dusty. I finally know about comfort; eternal comfort.

More nutrients on the way!

Friday, June 20, 2003

Coenzyme Q10 (Ubiquinone)

Bankrupted by his own belief in Mr. Jackpot (God), Carl began packing his small suitcase. He remembered the crafts lady and how she could never quite get comfortable. Maybe she was the lamb. Mr. Jackpot (in Carl's dream) would ride in on a silver horse and it was always 1929 in the dream. Four to place on the six. What was crafts lady's name? She had a small inside and it showed on her outside. Tiny people making tiny impressions on those who could never sell out, even if they wanted to.

Thursday, June 19, 2003


Three young women paid $50 each to the ear-mite. Boxes from Sandwich Hutch contained clothing unsuited for the coming torrential rains. Young women pay $50 for entrance into the Hutch (three choices). Jeff Probst relies on Jedi Cigarettes for investment income. Jeff Probst keeps willing me to die. I hear you are from Boston. $150 says I'm right.

Health is your greatest wealth!

Wednesday, June 18, 2003


It was not a "death-march" like some would have you believe. Many were actually skipping; their arms interlocked! Their smiles stay with me, especially at night. There was no "acrid-smell" as some would have you believe. A recent Zogby poll found that not a single person in the United States could correctly define the word "acrid"! So maybe it smelled like meaninglessness. Or maybe it was more like smelling something that had meaning at one time, but now sought meaning from other sources. One could say that it smelled like the intent of the original meaning. Death-march, you motherfucker.

Always take a combination of B-vitamins, as they work synergistically!

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Iodine (from kelp)

Staples Center belongs with mast! Follow demon during next game of Sorry. You will have trouble deciding who to blame! Blame encouragement; plenty of AMWAY sales make the months sail by! Expiration dates added together make the future more than slow. I remember when I first felt your heartbeat through your chest. That kind of love can crush a person into powder. That kind of love hates time. That kind of love lets the garage fill with soap and survives on $300 a month. Staples Center is the heart attack. Staples Center rips you away from me.

Any person with allergies to shellfish should check with his or her physician before reading Iodine (from kelp).

Monday, June 16, 2003

Folic Acid

Mr. Crinkle cuts red flower in half. How is it in Coalville? Special fruit for special little promise. Cut leg on Mustard Mountain. Red river on degraded permission slips. Hall monitor does pushups in the California sun. Please kill all passengers. Please tell Red there's no room for drink mix! Science always wins in Claremont. Science brings Mr. Crinkle to Claremont. Please tell Mr. Crinkle not to bandage what has not yet been cut. Red meets in Claremont.

Sunday, June 15, 2003

Alpha Lipoic Acid

Seahorse. Please stop calling for Laney's Landscaping. We are not a trial lawyer anytime soon. Deposit any complaints in the coffin for Andrew. Deposit a quarter in the coffin for Andrew. Leftists deface train terminal public phones with sausage. Throw a sausage in the railgun for Andrew. Wrist-rocket my sore. False leftists lose dental records. WAR CRIME! Telecommuting for the love of my life.

Be healthy and happy!

Saturday, June 14, 2003

Vitamin E

Rank forklifts according to liftgate locker expenditures. Keep tortillas away from the sister. Fly! Terra Cotta curling iron has sad tremblings. Fly, stupid! Answers to Rayon, but call him Stuppy. Sister's no good for holocaust ride. Holocaust ride uses casters internally! Fly! Stupid!

More anti-oxidants to come!

Friday, June 13, 2003

Vitamin C

The nutrient for today is vitamin C. Since this is the first time many of you have been exposed to the Optitopsysmosis method, please do not worry about the contents of what you are reading. The pattern of words, including letters and punctuation, is specifically designed to bring you nutrition. Any seemingly offensive or nonsensical series of words is simply the necessary order and not meant in any way to upset or confuse you.

Vitamin C

Runny vomit laughs at quiet rabbit! Synthesize your marine corps. No hairy face-job on this turkey-baster. Onions in the oval office for Rubbermaid implications. Cannot fault you for research on children. Keep the sun up! Dad...NO! Oh shit, do we have any bandages? I said DO WE HAVE ANY BANDAGES?! Hang in there...John Travolta made a sandwich out of his congealed cream. John Travolta brings quiet rabbit to suffer. John Travolta brings Dad home in pieces. Keep the sun up! Oh please don't let turkey-baster through the pig-field. Strep throat army knife.

There! Now you've had your full day's supply of vitamin C!