Thursday, June 30, 2011

Not July Yet (concentrate)

so there's no more nutrients for July
and I'm all like, "What's it to you?"
and you go and say, "What's the deal with no nutrients?"
and I give you an answer that does not satisfy you

You are unsatisfied! Now I feel normal!


I take July off
from writing these nutrients
see you in August

Use a healing poultice on your sores! You have sores!

Monday, June 27, 2011


you had on your Cate Blanchett yarmulke
when the last rest stop in America closed
your ashtray gymnastics were admirable
but ultimately you bought the comb

Use a banjo like a man! You love the Interstate!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Inheritance Powder

you offered me a Valium
at least that's what I thought
I took it without question
(I like Valium a lot)
it seems you gave me thallium
a toxin most-renowned
this next part speaks of assets
with the last word being ground
Haiku Last Word Ground
the last word is ground
why is it italicized?
here it is not: ground
So where's the speak of assets
promised in the lines above?
I've once again led you astray
the last word being ground


Friday, June 24, 2011

Aegilops Speltoides

we made papier-mâché
with strips of newsprint, water, and flour
and wrapped it around inflated balloons
we liked what was happening
because we were on to something
we wanted thousands
but managed about twelve
sometimes we can only manage
about twelve of anything

You may doubt the behavior of the benchmark. You absolutely may.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Extract Extract

twice as strong
lasts double long
yours for a song
extract extract
healthy stuff
had enough?
no, you're tough
extract extract

Concentrate concentrate! Thinking won't kill you, stupid!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Tumbleweed Variant

The invasive species was unaware
Of its invasiveness
As Southern California went from Chumash to Spaniard to drunk white people
The chaparral knew no better
Than to welcome a new friend

Better an open home than a closed heart. Consequences be damned!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Pigeon Root

I order the capsule-filling kit from Amazon
So I can make my own pigeon root supplements
A three pound bag of pigeon root is only $126.00
And I have chosen the vegetable matter capsules
Because the gelatin ones are made with sad animals
My guess is that I can make supplements out of anything
Like dryer lint
Or potting soil

Take pills to get better! If you're not better, you're worse!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Cinnamon Bark (Westonbirt School)

you met her at the mop fair
and seduced her with your funny dance
the dance where your feet move so fast
Haiku Love at Kemble Junction
your mop fair flopsy
left her panties on the train
you old codger, you
Cinnamon Bark (Apologies to the Westonbirt Graduates of 1974)
In no way was this nutrient supposed to accuse the schoolgirls of being "easy targets" for street-dancing con artists. But the circumstances do make us wonder about where they were on the train when they clumsily undressed one another. And what of their relationship now, 37 years later?

Young love can kill an old man just the same as a young man can kill an old love. Stay in school!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Agave (at the office)

I get it
your kid was told to sell candy
and since you are my coworker
I have to buy your damned kid's candy
so he or she can go to camp
or buy a uniform

when I was a kid
I would buy cinnamon oil and those flat toothpicks
and after I would dip them I would wrap them in foil
eight to a pack
and sell each pack for fifty cents
I would save that money and buy records

Uniforms? Camp? Your kids are Nazis!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Stress B Formula

when girls take Stress B Formula
they control the weather with their minds
which explains a lot about Florida

when boys take Stress B Formula
General Electric becomes less general
and more specific

when women, eventually, take Stress B Formula
river water becomes viscous
causing paddleboat problems

when men, inadvertently, take Stress B Formula
Hewlett Packard becomes less packered
and more unpackered

when we, as Californians, take Stress B Formula
neither nature nor business matter any longer
because, dude, cowabunga

If this nutrient seems substandard, light yourself on fire.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Adenium Cannabinum

dog statues lined the memorial walkway
and they were not in alphabetical order
the Northern Inuit stood vigil
to stare across at the Canadian Cur
and within a few steps
another pair
this time a Beagle and a Schipperke
more steps brought more pairs
at least one hundred carved stone canines
none of the plaques had normal dog names
like Biscuit or Max
they had names like Bible and Cafeteria

You ran out of patience long ago. Take a deep breath. Don't let it out!

Monday, June 13, 2011


if Wormy Ed Asner would give you inulin
we would have something to talk about
we would be able to look directly at one another with a sense of knowing
and comfort
Mr. Asner does not give you inulin
because he is possessive and mean
he is no stranger to the perils of love
and desperation
Haiku Prebiotic Shield
nature gives you worms
making you unattractive
god, you're so wormy
Give your daughters inulin. Wormy Ed won't.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Zingiberaceae (whee!)

you bring your yellow lightness
into my colorless moods
and now I am savory and happy
so who made you into a powder?
was it a child slave laborer?
or was it a machine?
maybe the machine is treated worse than the child
forced to work without proper maintenance or upkeep
if you try to oil a child, you are a pervert
if you try to feed a machine, you are misguided
so what are you? misguided? perverted?
I am done with you
keep your yellow powder, misguided pervert

Go ahead and read this nutrient again. You missed the point!

Thursday, June 09, 2011


NovaForm Gusset Memory Foam™ Pillow Set
considered filing for a transfer
the job had always been a challenge
but this day would have pushed anyone in his situation
to the brink of insanity
what, with all the attention being paid
to the Elizabeth Arden Visible Difference Moisturizer™
she got her own demo table across the aisle
from the Resveratrol™ samples
while he sat, boringly stacked
in a vertical bin, no less!
his display cutaway model was more of a deterrent now
since countless stupid children with filthy hands
had rammed their digits into his patented SpringBack FoamCore™
he was starting to understand the appeal of being online only
like so many of his friends had already done
to relax in the solitude of a drop-shipment warehouse
NovaForm Gusset Memory Foam™ Pillow Set had a plan now
with his sights set on the dream of a brighter future!

You spend too much. Create a "dream map" so you stop fucking up your future!

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Bovine Growth Hormone

your work at the day care is corrupt
you feed the children bovine growth hormone
while you fill notebooks with data
for the Monsanto representative, Adam H.
he takes you from the daycare
for lobster and premium cocktails
while the children grow soft and large
like you, soft and large

Your udders are corporate playthings! Wear a sports bra!

Sunday, June 05, 2011


you were definitely on something
when I saw you at the Stromatolite Hinge Revue
lost glossy eyes and your voice so subdued
I could not make out most of your words
but you said something about redacted glider box
Haiku Redacted Glider Box
that doctor needs you
and now, it seems, you need him
this is getting sad
Your Avril Lavigne Mouth Rinse™ isn't working. Or maybe it's working too well.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Krill Oil (from krill)

Liam Neeson plays the part of Lyndon LaRouche
Trevor Martin voices the Beast
We eat popcorn covered in krill oil
And Jordan almonds from 1983
LaRouche paints the Beast out to be a Nazi
The Beast only wishes to maintain a British accent
We have once again failed to get enough napkins
Our shiny hands in the dark theater smelling of fish

All Nazis might be bad, but all bads are not Nazis!

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Negative Ionized Hydrogen

things were better
with UHF television
there were living things in the static snow
white noise apparitions that wanted us
to hone in on their signals

things are worse now
with digital television
there is no struggle for the magic
the ghosts no longer beckon us
their signal forgotten

Dr. Gene Scott vs. F-Troop: Fight!

Wednesday, June 01, 2011


you are beautiful
we say goodbye so often
and then you come back

Quitting is easy if you practice every day!