Monday, February 28, 2011

Curcuma Longa

you went to Blythe for a month and started a war
North Lovekin Blvd. was a no-man's land that ran between the trenches
and you started using words like "parapet" and "billet" in your text messages
you even came up with a coughing emoticon after your company was gassed
you were the point person in Arizona's push Westward
and you kept your men in line
by using a mixture of humor and battlefield savagery
but then you were captured and executed

You should iron your clothes for a week so you don't look so sloppy and lazy.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Cyclodextrin Inclusion Compounds

Corcoran, California will initially be the main treatment center for the moderate to severely ill. The high-speed rail system will bring in hundreds of full passenger cars weekly from Los Angeles and San Francisco. The once-pristine interiors of the CalTrack Comfort Line will have had all the cushioning and carpets stripped out during the initial decontamination sequence. Most of the passengers will already be too far gone to notice a plastic arm-support jabbed into their liquefying torsos. The ones who are well enough to know the difference will be all the more compliant with the testing once they know that a comfortable bed and caring treatment staff await them through the gates of the Inclusion Compound.

Get your kids vaccinated in their eyes! Ouchie!

Saturday, February 26, 2011


you bought zeaxanthin at the farmacia
and then you put it in her drink
you must have made her wear a costume
she was Hogan, you were Klink
your acting skills were suspect
like you did not have a script
and it was less than 20 seconds
before Klink had Hogan stripped
though the webcam stream was blurry
and the dialogue was garbled
the halvah I was eating
was nutty, sweet, and marbled

Late-night snacks can be from almost any country!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Potassium Hydroxide

Honeywell, Raytheon, and McDonnell Douglas
Our collective fathers leached off those particular teats
And who could blame them?
To have a wife in a box
And bridge mix on the card tables
And a Tom Collins recipe to die for
What a fucking coup!
But it did not work now, did it?
The wives went nuts. Or gay. Or both.
And all of those companies became Boeing and dicked our fathers over
While we all got therapy to justify our hatred
And our collective fathers passed on
While we mollified our crazy gay mothers
And went to Cost Plus to buy substandard bridge mix

Our fathers meant well, but were really off the mark!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Chondodendron Tomentosum

they asked if I had an advanced directive
I told them that my directives were regressed
to the point of being infantile
they told me I could "opt out" of the procedure
but they would not recommend it
because of some "percentage chance" of something
a truly potential negative something
and I was smart enough to know
that my reliance on positive nothings
had run its course
the procedure failed and I died and went to heaven
but figured out how to mess with time and circumstance
so I am now back about two months prior to my death
and I still do not have an advanced directive

We had no right to abandon the moon. It is our direct link to heaven.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Xanthomonas Campestris

You made a broccoli tree forest. Melted Parmesan cheese shavings turned them into weeping willows. It was like having a magician in the kitchen. You created a marsh out of vegetable broth and Italian parsley and thought it would be a good idea to turn the oven up to four-hundred degrees. That is where the troubles began.
The marsh began boiling and the parsnip moorings shifted. The trees fell over and no longer looked like trees. Their delicate Parmesan strands melted completely and formed clotted eddies in the turbulence. What had started out as wondrous and exciting had gone over to sadness. Everyone was disappointed in you and your poor decision-making. You took something magnificent and ruined it.

Swap cookbooks every few months with your friends, unless you don't have any friends!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


it was not a miracle when Jared lifted the vase with his mind
an act of god had not occurred when Limpet created life from a delicious flan
the devil had not ascended to the earthly plane when Cassandra dissolved on the Metrolink to Norwalk
the culprit was manganese
the can-do nutrient from the Northern Midwest
so when your Ford Focus begins speaking in tongues
and your wife's brown sweater becomes a portal to UDFy-38135539
just blame the manganese
and have yourself a cup of hot tea

You enjoy reading People Magazine! No more can you judge others!

Monday, February 21, 2011


you brought a lot of clothes
for an overnight stay
and a chair
you brought a chair

there is no room
in my medicine cabinet
for your medicine
that is a lot of medicine

you say inositol
but to me you are merely well dressed
and improperly medicated
with a place to sit wherever you go

Dating is for stooges! Use your 3M lint roller as a weapon!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

L Leucine

a bottle containing all the sexual energy in the world was opened and poured into a polluted stream in Terrell, Texas
the first victims were the amphibians
seductive salamanders cavorted with freaky frogs
ectothermia had to step aside as evolution stuck to the grind
six months later the stream was cleaned and the sexual energy was once again bottled
and a small group of salamanders began walking on their hind legs

No real need to mention Kevin Costner's bar tab or his thing with the frozen yogurt girl!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Glutamic Acid

Carolyn Sandoval was a short-beaked echidna who liked to be called Carrie. She was usually crying or gossiping and putting her beak into places it did not belong. Her ex-husband, Raul, was a soldier and an engineer who enjoyed warm jungle nights and Caribbean music. When they had first met, the chemistry between them spilled over into whatever nightclub they were at. The following morning the club's dancefloor would be strewn with fertilized eggs and empty blue plastic cups. They were young and stupid and were not expecting any type of global calamity. The Global Calamity changed all that and they split up, which was sad for a number of reasons. It was sad for four reasons.

Use your spurs against competing males! Use it or lose it!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Phosphorous (not against us)

the last cathode ray tube
sat in the waiting room, waiting
all the others (the 13" and 27" crowd included)
had been taken to the back room long ago
to be dismantled into component parts
the television above the receptionist's window
a 36" Samsung LCD rig with fairly impressive specs
seemed to be mocking his screen aspect ratio
"Well fuck Samsung!" thought the last cathode ray tube
"They can pretty much eat shit and die for all I care."

the receptionist came out to the waiting room with a wheeled cart
and before picking up the last cathode ray tube
looked into his phosphorescent face and gave a weak smile
"Everything's going to be all right." she said
and she picked him up and put him on the cart
she wheeled him into the back room where he was dismantled
into his component parts

We are made of television! Sally Field has a map of your thoughts!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Thayer-Martin Agar

there was a whole nutrient planned
with a tattoo artist and Brent Spiner
and the ghost of Gram Parsons
but as you can tell (you are astute)
these folks are not along for the ride
and we are stuck here in this nutrient
without support staff or backup of any kind

You can hear airplanes right now. Just pay attention!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Endosymbionts (Tertiary Machine Variant)

they will goose-step through our cells
to challenge tissue/texture/structure
and they will offer an alternative

we will initially recoil
because we like to recoil
the secondary gain of the recoil
is not to be underestimated

there will be five lines in this third stanza
with each line outshining the last
by the use of simple and poignant declarations
about robots or death or loss of control
and all of these are distractions from the truth

six line stanza coming as no surprise
we have suffered another loss in our circle
and as our cohort reduces
we begin to welcome the robots as allies
because our hatred of death leads us
to put all our efforts into the lie of control

Just because I don't believe in a god doesn't mean that Kara's not in Heaven.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Pseudoephedrine Hydrochloride

store security was onto me
she was dressed like a normal shopper
carrying a box of refrigerated pie crusts
I stood and looked at the Dayquil boxes
orange and white with helvetica promises
while she focused her beam of attention on me
and I swear she was reading my mind
so I grabbed at "trick thoughts" to throw at her
to confuse her
I thought about a dirty snow footprint in Big Bear
and then I thought about Confederate currency
I thought of a thousand animal hands
each one on a bible written in that animal's language
except for the spiny anteater and the platypus

Some animals are godless! Obey all laws and rules!

Brandy & Pills

television set: check
intrusive thoughts: check
haphazard clay sculpture from childhood (not your childhood): check
certificate of provenance for abovementioned clay sculpture: check
stolen squirt-can of 3-2-1 Machine Oil: check

There's no such thing as an antique. Everything lasts forever!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Cistanche Deserticola (Brizuela Remix)

your birthday was inevitable
and the lucky prisoners (named Sally or Denise)
had jobs in the laundry

you had a belief or a thought
that you could change your name
to "Time Captain" or Sally

they found you unresponsive the next morning
your arms replaced by black arrows
and the number "6" at your feet

Use crime to create tough stains. Shout it out!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Censored Nutrient

Dear Readers,
Numerous complaints were received regarding the safety of Zinc Alloy as a Visual Nutrient. While there were no documented instances of direct harm, the nutrient has been censored and will not be returning for consumption.
A suitable nutrient will be offered, free of cost, within the next 24 hours. We here at Visual Nutrients strive to give our customers what we call "satisfaction."

Read Visual Nutrients in bed, then satisfy yourself for a change!

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Silicon Dioxide

It was another surgery dream
And I had to get my old Datsun 610
Out of the impound lot
So I could get to the hospital
Because it was a dream and I was
Basically alone
The cashier at the impound lot
Had a cash register with hieroglyphs
Where numbers should have been
And I could not pay what was being asked
Which was a stone tablet in the shape of a triangle
And her face was a triangle
Like a yield sign

Have an operation this year. You need surgery!

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Temporary Contained Outbreak

it was either a large motorcycle
or a small airplane that crashed
about three miles outside TCO Site 32
allowing the new dead to celebrate
the breach of the containment field

The new dead? Oh my!

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Gerstley Borate (and his butler, Taylor)

There once was a man named Gerstley Borate and he had a butler named Taylor. Throughout the day, every day, Taylor would follow Master Borate around the manse (house) and pick up after him (Gerstley). Owl Parkinson's affecting cogent barn birds. Taylor barely had enough time to correctly identify the glutamate receptor before wash a sock/make a muffin. Owl carcasses rained down as feathered assuredness devolved into late dinner with his (Taylor's) appetizing young Ben Harper lookalike, Mel Grifton.

Lookalike is a dumb word or series of words! Never be a dirty bird!

Friday, February 04, 2011

Sample Title Nutrient

we used to hold hands
sample title nutrient
where did your hands go?

your kisses were moist
sample title nutrient
where did your lips go?

your eyes were magnets
sample title nutrient
your eyes! what the fuck?

no hands, eyes, or lips
sample title nutrient
you need some more parts

Try being less selfish. Try again!

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Ptychopetalum Uncinatum

we are all a part of the same fabric
a repulsive cloth
like the handkerchief of an 1890's
train conductor
with active tuberculosis
and an Elgin pocket watch

we all have approximately
the same stuff
a chemical-producto equivalency
that will resonate
as an obvious mistake
when we are the archeological finds

Use a credit card to buy medicine or a hat. Cover your head, stupid.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Pimpinella Anisum

this dig is ancient
Benjamin Affleck (playing the musky archeologist)
pulls us out early
fearful that museum security
"has it in" for our group

back at smelly Benjamin's camp
a chuckwagon-lunch themed pop-up restaurant
serves Dinty Moore beef stew
in those blue enamel camping bowls
(to us) to eat it

Label and date yourself to stay "New Jersey" fresh!