Saturday, July 31, 2004

Riboflavin (derived from one cup of blueberries)

Tonight I will stand alone in a cemetery and eat an Almond Joy. I will toss the thin plastic wrapper to the ground and I will ask the moon a question:
Why so sad, Mr. Moon?
Mr. Moon will answer, "Why so careless, you littering fuckbug?"

Old thermometers contain mercury. Break one open and play with the silvery liquid!

Thursday, July 29, 2004


You are more yam than I!
You are the moon; the sky!

You lie!

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Hydrocarbon Extraction Solvent

This is a situation in which the primary flatfoot would have the option of continuing the smoothing of the spotter against the spotter's will. The issue of social status is moot at this point (legally speaking) if the man with convictions believes that the spotter is a verified roughian. The flatfoot's job is to provide smoothing, even when the smoothing is invasive.

Emotions are portable. You can leave them at the restaurant!

Tuesday, July 27, 2004


She tries to comfort me, saying "It's just a dream. You're okay. We're all safe. Go back to sleep."
And I think to myself, "How fucking cliche! Tormented by personal demons in my sleep! How original. Maybe I should write an absurd poem about it!"
Again, I think to myself (who else does one think to?), "Perhaps these experiences are brought on by my profound uniqueness...yes, of course!"
So she says to me, "What are we going to do? You're thrashing around every night like you're fighting for your life."
I tell her that it's just the stress of trying to get a new job. I tell her that once things settle down and we get into a routine that all will be set straight.
The truth, however, is that these nocturnal battles are not a fight for my life. I am battling for all life. Not only am I battling for all life, I am battling for the principles that give meaning to all life. These fights could be broadcast on digital cable for a fee of $29.95 and people would get to see a battle where eye-gouging is allowed. But the eyes gouged are mine. People would get to see me lose this battle, again and again. Richard Butler was onto something when he said that she said
"This is it. That's the end of the joke."

You are special and unique! You are asleep!

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Docosahexaenoic Acid

She talked about seeing an old "Saturday Night Live"
And remembering when she used to buy pot by the "lid" for ten dollars
She then says she is just kidding
But I know she's not kidding
She was one of those teens that dated guys who looked like either Jesus or members of Lynyrd Skynyrd
She remembers the dizzy nights on Tony's waterbed
Back when kissing was still fun
And rugburn scars were badges of honor

You're not boring! Yes you are!

Friday, July 23, 2004


Lank fortitude, Hitler-tar!
Staple money to rose-colored Mama Casses
And reply to the man-ant chooser!
I still recall Matt Damon buying Russian whores
To use as extras in the box-office failure "Smut Bus 2, the Glistening"
I still remember Hydrox as the better alternative
And I still remember Space Food Sticks
So you've got nothing on me
And even less on my friends

Make a paste out of your expired medications and use it as wall joint compound!

Tuesday, July 20, 2004


Custard-Woman sighs
Another of (N)ature's lies
Pound for pound for pies

Desperation is thirst! Shut down!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

2-Aminoethane Sulfonic Acid

It was June and we were all at June Lake when John Ritter played his little game on me and my family. The trout had come from Gull Lake, and I could tell by the desperate gill movements that I, too, had something in my neck. When a man cleans a fish, he has to get all Bly and just go for it. When a teenage boy cleans a fish under the curse of (R)itter, he ends up with Ritter Neck. Even now I feel (H)is playful tugs when I try to sleep. I go to meetings and community events seemingly of my own will, but I know I am being led by this thing in my (n)eck. Four years after I.C. (initial contamination), I believed I had found the strength to fight John Ritter in a man named Ed Asner. Asner did what he could to help me through his billboard messages but Ritter would purposely scramble the words in order to control the tiny moments. Ritter is the cataract. Asner was weak, like me.

Stretch every morning...even your (n)eck!

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Gum Arabic

Gum Arabic bought snacks from Samy's Market
Hostess Donettes; crumb
Expiration date: 07/11/04
Gum Arabic was happy to be in California
Gum Arabic's donuts were still good
In New York Gum Arabic's little donuts
Would be past expiration
In California there is extra time
Not much, but some

Don't buy off-brand tape. Spend the extra and get Scotch Tape.

Friday, July 09, 2004


Foot-Mother strengthens
Abdominal waste-container
Only finding half-shelves
Barely deep enough to hold
Just one medium papaya
All of his outings were tricks
Hot chocolate the false prize
Foot-Mother strengthens
What historical bonds existed
Usually oxidized by now
Still strong because of enzymes

Keep thinking about your father! Either that or try stopping!

Wednesday, July 07, 2004


halogen desk lamp
paint thinner hitting the bulb
now I am on fire

mineral spirits
wearing hot orange berets
do the jitterbug

Try using small carpet tacks instead of toothpicks. Metal rules!

Tuesday, July 06, 2004


The Corian countertops add value to the home
Granite needs a sealant to resist premature aging
Caused by fluids soaking into the stone
Stone is alive, you know
It breathes in, but not out
Which is what living is like
Always taking more and more in
Weakening the stone with fluids
That have nowhere to go

Use the drops sparingly and do not blink. Plank!

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Potassium Nitrate (Saltpeter)

Neighborhood dogs are subjected to fireworks
Their sensitive eardrums repeatedly send
Horrible messages to the brain
(A)sner is the brain
Ritter is the message

Massage your friends, but keep it playful!

Saturday, July 03, 2004


John Ritter's divorce papers somehow ended up in my mailbox
He broke that woman's heart, according to the reasons given for dissolution
What a cruel trickster!
He once bridged the very real gap between father and son
Note that in Orlando, the believers have turned (i)t over to Nascar
Note that in Orlando, the Eucharist is more of a ginger-snap
Note that in every broken heart there is a gravity like no other
With a pull that forces all nearby bodies into an orbit
Satellites circling nothing

Things will not get better! Stay healthy!

Thursday, July 01, 2004


What is it?
What does it look like?
Is it a bir?