Sunday, October 31, 2004

Vitamin D

It's very important that you wear magnets on your "non-use" genitals. It's equally important to remember who brought you into this world...your parents! Use your parents as a resource, unless they abandoned you. Then you're screwed. But really, not as screwed as those who were not abandoned. Let's face it. Birth is abandonment. The rest is just a stupid fucking game where people pretend that love is stronger than their petty needs and desires. Magnets have been scientifically proven to be worthless as health aids.

Genitals lead to loss. Cut your losses.

All Hallowed's Eve (Bridge Mix)

You went alone, but you saw the christian war movie
You cried when the dumb yet loyal guy got shot
By the Germans
The Germans shot him down
And they laughed and made Nazi comments, like:
What a stupid American patriot! How I love to kill stupids like him! I eat many bratwurst!
So it's true about the Germans
And I'm half German
So with me, it's half true

I love German food. I hate the nazis!

Recognition of Uniformity (Balast and Cable)

Oh you, the nutrient whores
How is it that you still seek
The pleasure of a peek
To maintain health in such a lazy fashion
Where is your passion?
You go not to the pharmacy
To buy the vitamins, including "C"
Oh, such busy bees
Propolis is not a Soviet word
Soviet word
Vodka nerd
Always using glasnost
To be heard
Soviet word
Arm the Kurds
Thanksgiving Turkey
Borders blurred

Got a little secret for you
It starts with one and it ends with two
You get to the end and you're stuck with boo
Russian rabbits know the Hoppity-Hoo!

Tinned fish never had thoughts. You never had thoughts.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Trader Joe's Vegetable Nests

I saw you run from historical pests
I watched you glisten when you got wets
The air was manipulated by engine jets
Franklin Bruno never had pets
That's why we like the Trader Joe's Vegetable Nests
Oh, that's why we even fucking exist
Yeah I'm glad that we fucking exist

Peter! I'm sorry if you think I've besmirched you! I would never besmirch you!

Gotta Pee but got New Shoes

Oh yeah, I'm at the computer
But I found quite a bargain today
At the Ontario Mills Mall
Yeah, I got me some new shoes
Gonna wear 'em at my new job
Yeah, you don't have a new job
'Cuz I'm better than you
After all I've learned about equality and fairness
I'm better than you
Because I know when to stop
With the scissors
Yeah, I'm better than you
Because I know what it means
When the bottom drops out
And I know how to deal
With the hideous shouts
You know I'm better than you
I've always been better than you
Until now

Christmas is just around the corner. Visual Nutrients remains viable. Believe nothing that Joel says!

Chicken Broth (scarce flu vaccine mix)

You received your vaccination
Because you are a bacon-wrapped night-zombie
Why do you wrap yourself in bacon?
Why are you frequenting public restrooms?
Are you seeking out young male prostitutes?
Or are you a lucky recipient?
Lucky recipient gets the taste
Of the sauce that keeps him safe
Lucky recipient takes the cake
But in "fluenza" he will baste
*Baste-cake sauce taste, oh yeah...

Got some elderly? Sauce 'em up!

Nutrients (Visual)

Not not not
This is a blog that's not not not
So don't even try to read read read
Because you will receive no nutritional benefit
What about that, you nutrient seeking bastards?
What about that?
The whole Optitowhatever was a big lie
Don't you feel fat and young?
Are you the fat kid?

You are the fat kid! Extreme sports can be dangerous temptations to smart kids. Be careful out there, because prevention is the best medicine. Are you smart and fat? Yucka yucka!

Candy Corn (diabetic child mix)

Stupid fat kid
Your parents are dumber than you
But that makes no difference
Because you are a future diabetic
I can't wait to see your gangrenous foot
I can't wait to tell you what you shouldn't eat
And what you should
Stupid fat kid
Why're you so goddamned dumb
Fat as a fucking house
If there's a hell, your stupid-ass parents are going there
But you are too
Because genetic/familial lines are a valid but poor excuse
How can we ever move forward as a society
If we keep relying on valid yet poor excuses
I wish you weren't so goddamned fat
I wish you weren't so goddamned stupid
I wish your father would've pulled out or worn a condom
You stupid fat little shit

Fat kids will destroy America! The second amendment is meaningful!

Monday, October 25, 2004

Facial Hair (true story of found ethnicity)

I've decided to grow out my facial hair in order to gain understanding of peoples with hairier faces. My wife thinks it's a bad idea and has considered a ban on kissing and other face-related contact. I will not be deterred, however, even by threats of withheld affection! I know that this hair will open new windows of perspective for me. I long to be considered one of the hairy-faced people. I look forward to the receipt of a knowing look from a fellow hfp.

Did I mention that Visual Nutrients is dead? Can you see my facial hair?

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Crippled Rat (true story)

I don't know why the rat was in the ambulance bay, but it was. I even know less why (grammar?) an ambulance was able to run over its two back legs (as if it had three). So this poor daughter of a rat was apparently crawling back and forth for at least an hour, pulling itself around with its front legs (two. not broken.) Nurses were trying to call animal control and the ortho techs were joking about splinting the rat. I was trying to work, but the commotion of the rat was building to a point of serious distraction. It was when the nurses were considering calling the police that I grabbed a paper bag, padded it with paper towels, and went out and put the poor rat into the bag between the paper towels. I walked the bag over to my old Volvo wagon and placed the bag behind the rear wheel. I got into the driver's seat and said "I'm sorry, rat. Bless you and yours." I then backed over the bagged rat. I then rolled forward over the bagged rat. I once again backed over the rat, then again pulled forward. The bag was flat and the paper towels controlled most of the seepage. I threw the bag away and went back to work. I work with savaged people every day, but today I am seriously upset about having to put down that goddamned crippled rat.

People are good! Pray to rats!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Borage Seed Oil (Countdown to Extinction Club Mix)

You're wound up like a top
The top of that wound is round
How soon now until the special sound?
Where is the mop?
You hold your stress in your bones
I stole your dress with the mold
The one in the cellar that you would have sold
When will we hear the special tones?
The pills seem to help with your mood
Ontario Mills has a special on shoes
I prefer jazz to the blues
Your cochlea's made out of wood

Visual Nutrients is finally over. There will be no more entries. Go away.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Compound Bow

wife says she's real tired
"you go out to get the wine"
hop in the Volvo

the new Interpol
finally some good music
Fall night rock session

driving and feeling
I love these dangerous streets

Nancy down the way
what on earth is she holding?
holy fucking shit!

Monday Pomona
she pulled back the compound bow
nice shot for a chick

guy went down like that
slapping at the arrow's point
he was so hurting

what had this guy done?
to deserve to be skewered?
in my neighborhood!

it was really true
Stater Bros for more wine
[explanation: "Bros" is pronounced "Brothers"]
she shot the fucker

he called out for help
he was all of, say, sixteen
he spit up some blood

I just wanted wine
not to be a goddamn witness
I just kept driving

back home with the wine
red and blue phosphorescence
beams through my windows

I feel bad for her
she really meant what she did
arrow in boyfriend

police ask questions
what happened? we saw nothing!
I love Pomona

The Visual Nutrients blog is finished. Go away!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004


quit reading right now
lou reed decaf container
wearing sunglasses

no more nutrients
(R)itter and (A)sner are gone
your neck is better

electronic paper
mediums gone to the highs
eat your computer

dishes stacking up
dogs gone fucking ballistic
pay with check by phone

mother in law-yer
oral sex with Bill Moyer,
Bill Gates and Tom Sawyer

redacting gone bad
blacklisting my zombie dad
blood orange grafting

Paper is not a nutrient! Purchase oral nutrients for optimal health!

Monday, October 04, 2004

Camphor (Tapatio con Julep)

My back is really sore from moving my mother-in-law
My mother must have been sore after having me
I'm sore at my mother for being half of me
My mother's lawyer plays tricks on her
Leaving Hallmark cards outside her bedroom window
With cartoon carrots saying, "Luv ya a bunch"

Grab the world by the horns. The world has horns!

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Empty Calories

I think this blog has run its course
I think about my friends' divorce
I think I will not ride the horse
You play the Greeks, I'll play the Norse
We'll meet again on distant shores

I'm out of ideas! I'm sweating!