Grain Alcohol (Everclear)

Drunk friend finally found himself in my mirror
"What does drunk friendship mean to you?"
I replied that he should not be using my mirror
"Will you save me this time?" asks drunk friend
I again replied, though this time differently than my first reply:
Haiku Second Reply
there was a savior
His name was Jesus H. Christ
He wore a nice suit

if He came to you
you would reject His offer
of no closing costs

but He is long gone
He took the Feds' offer of
witness protection

The second reply is always a thin riddle! Thiddle!

Wooden Secrets (House of Car)

I am expelling
and you are falling asleep
we both work so hard

expectations suck
as Nature's little tricks laugh
and again, we write

the tragic line up
for a spot with one of us
ignore them, kind of

Sorrow can tear through any structure! We defeat ourselves!

Chicken Nutrients (A Marital Blessing for Stella and Tim)

Like a forklift in motion
He'll grab a nearby spoon and plunge it into the pot
Pulling up a hot, savory surprise
He'll longingly blow on the spoon
And at last, open his mouth to taste my love potion
The Nutrients of Marriage are the Nutrients of Chicken

Tryptophan
A lonely chicken
His posture a crooked road
Where will he travel?
Vitamin B3 (niacin)
The plucky young hen
Dances to the radio
Her beak mouthing words
Protein
A chance meeting now
Lone traveler and dancer
Beaks touch; Feathers twitch
Vitamin B6 (pyridoxine)
How can birds feel so?
That four wings have twice the lift
Allowing full flight
Phosphorus
But these birds will stay
These birds will scratch together
Sharing worms and seeds
Calories (223)
A free-range lifestyle
Watching black and white sunsets
What all birds strive for

Happy marriage! Lots of love to both of you!

Molybdenum (Post-Redux)

You are so dumb
Your brain is numb
And your father? Your father is a bum
And like you, he always wants some
chorus
Molybdenum- it's the nutrient of choice
Helping the speechless find their voice
Molybdenum- from dandelion greens
Helping the helpless make the scene
verse
Cat got your tongue?
Thinking about your mum?
You treat her like chum
Do sharks have tongues?
chorus ii
Molybdenum- taking over this town
Out on the dance-floor spinning around
Molybdenum- to some degree
Is adored by all on bended knee
chorus iii
Molybdenum- controlling your thoughts
Innocence lost in terra-cotta pots
Molybdenum- borrows your things
Book covers stained with coffee rings
chorus iii.5
Molybdenum- god is dead
All worth saying has all been said
Molybdenum- the battle is lost
The theme song's written by Mike Post

Never stop while you're ahead! You're ahead!

Garlic (Accident)

Please drink the anti-freeze
Imagine it's good wine (not great wine)
And you'll get through it
Please write a letter to all the men you've slept with
And tell them that you meant it
Each and every time
Because you really did
And please be a burden
In your next life, too

You are like a hurricane! A southern man don't want him around anyhow!

N-nitrosoethanolamine (NDELA)

burglar and rapist
eat their meals separately
to get their fair share

wife and her husband
hats tossed into the same ring
with brims not touching

hen and a big cock
scratching at the same dry dirt
and then the pecking

Roller skating is great exercise! People on wheels.

Angelica Sinensis

7R: So why the nutrient lag?
1M: The magic is gone.
7R: So is this it? The end of the line?
1M: Too early to tell.
7R: We demand you continue!
1M: Then so be it.

Quantity over quality! Prepare for nothing!

Starch (Starch)

Starch starch
Trite and starch
And you guessed it!
Starch starch
Mom was drunk
Starch
I paid the electric bill
And starch

Strong language brings with it danger. You guessed it.

Methylbenzene

They find Krab passed out in the shed
With a wad of those overpriced blue paper towels
Resting dumbly against his unconscious hand
And while it's easy to view this scene as pathetic
They view it as an shining opportunity
To kill him and make it look like an accident
They use a cigarette
And a tipped-over gallon of paint thinner
To take care of the problem they used to laugh with
And sleep with
The flames take care of the problem of individual weakness
Replacing it with the cunning of survival

Set your friends on fire! Set yourself on fire!

Probiotic Mushrooms

The pizza you ordered
Came with probiotic mushrooms
Which would have been fine
If instead of being hungry
We were interested in living
But we were not interested in living
We wanted to eat pizza
And drink red wine
But somehow you fucked up the order
And the delivery guy
Bless his 19-year old stoned-ass heart
Arrived at our door not so much holding a pizza box
But conjoined with a pizza box
He was covered in life
Vines and flora and even a paw
And he crawled off our porch
Becoming a permanent part of our landscape

The pizza guy was alive! We are alive!

Microcrystalline Cellulose (Nature's Best!)

There is a problem with my "Optitopsysmosis" technology that has not been addressed yet here on Visual Nutrients. I have done what no scientist should ever do: I withheld data that *may* influence how these valuable (yet free on my site) nutrients are absorbed into your body. The problem involves the vision center in the brain and how the data (and, obviously, moleculonutrients) are transferred into your cellular structure when the "tiny moment" concludes. What I am getting at here is the fact that this is not necessarily a visual function, but an optical function. What this means exactly, I do not yet know. I am not a scientist.

Science is pure fact! The best scientists are Jews!

SAM-e (Ural, The)

When we played Risk you
You used to cheat, I
I know it because no one
No one could have rolled those
Those sixes and even*
Even when I watched
Watched you turn the dice over
Over in your hand, I
I still wanted to play again
Again and again

Bob Seger killed his brother Peete! *(not seven)

Purification Rundown (Katie Holmes Target Gift Card)

With the Fascut FS-600 Rebar Cutter Bender
The Garberville project moves along smoothly
With reinforced concrete and steel
Survival and repopulation should not be problematic
Safety and comfort must be emphasized
During the couple's first visit
And tell Katie that Michael Graves
Will also be here in due time

Rethink waste management! One-way valves?

Aristolochic Acid

The white people can't get enough of that ZZ Top!
Afterburner sure carved a new hole in the soundscape
That "shicka-shicka" background snare/cymbal combo
Spoke to the whites' "shicka-shicka" sensibilities
Like that old commercial where the kid gets peanut butter
Into the other kid's chocolate
You got your rock stuck in my blues!
You got your blues stuck in my rock!
And there is no "Behind the Music" special
Showing Gibbons and Ham "tugging the beard"
And there is no Barbara Walters special
Describing Mr. Hill's "alleged" surgery
To create a discrete flap of skin
Capable of hiding small amounts
Of birthwort
From the other white people

National anthem! International mayhem!

Ae_AAT1 (Ae. aegypti amino acid transporter 1)

When transporter 2 inevitably fails you
You know where you can go to feel safe
You know how to relive the comforts of the past
Of your first love
Fumbling about in a shameless fog
You will come back
You will come on back
To transporter 1
And when sickness returns to you
Like memories of a schoolyard threat
You will not see hide nor hair
Of transporter 2
You will end up drunk again
In a phone booth
Calling the only number that makes any sense
The number
To the home of transporter 1
And the familiar voice will soothe you
Reaving the chelated fears from your sides
You will come back
Yes you will come on back
To transporter 1

Try being the one you will always love! Narcissist!

Silo Gases

Your old apartment in Edgewater
With the brown carpet
Has been rented out to an Ohio couple
Who tragically have fewer limbs
Than most Ohio couples
And I am not asking that you
SEND MONEY
To the limb-challenged pair
But it is certainly an option
Given that you have the money
And know the address

There once was an Ohio couple
Whose grain silo formed a gas bubble
Some limbs were removed
By the exploding tube
As it launched up to space near the Hubble

When you lived in Edgewater
Making your fortune
Using both of your legs
And both of your arms
To walk around on the brown carpet
Holding a phone and a drink
Telling me
Business is business!
I would try to picture you
On fire in front of some corn

Be careful out there today! Limb-challenge!

Pine Needle (Threat)
I know a lot of smart people
And I am sure
You think you know a lot
Of smart people

I know a lot of genuine people
And I am sure
You think you know the next line
Because you are smart

I know a lot about you
And I am sure
You think I have no idea
About your true intellect

I know a lot about myself
And I am sure
I am in no position to judge you
But I do
And I am correct

You are mad at smart people! You are oh so mad!

Hydrozyme 250T

digestive tract-homes
but you always say "track-homes"
my stomach hurts bad

our boy is gone now
replaced by nothing at all
dogs and the childless

I learned a new trick
on how to consume sorrow
without the burning

was life ever full
enough to make up for
all this drastic loss?

There are millions of unwanted animals! Want and love is not enough!

Galerina Autumnalis (one of the three destroying angels)

Randall had driven his Datsun 610 out onto the frozen lakebed before
He knew to stay within 100 yards of the shoreline
Even though the lake was only 300 yards across
But tonight they had managed to stuff six people in the car
Trevor had Callie on his lap in the passenger seat
Nina and Greg were already making out in the back
And Sheila kept her eyes locked on Randall's from the back seat
Jokingly, but not
Randall asked if he should go for it
Trevor couldn't talk because he had Callie positioned exactly right
But Callie said, "Sure, man. What do we have to lose?"
(and the sad thing is, Callie really did have nothing to lose)
Nina and Greg, keeping true to their future idiocy
Chanted, "Do it! Do it!"
And Sheila, through the rearview, made a "Home Alone" face
And winked at Randall
Letting him know that the outcome did not matter

Take a risk with your friends! Friendship is temporary!

Henbane (Hyoscyamus Niger)

When you feel the world is closing in
And your burden weighs a ton
When the guilt and shame of your past sins
Makes the Devil think he's won
You must remember you've got something
That can make that Devil run

When the light of life has lost its glow
And the candle's short on wick
There's a little secret you should know
A sleight of hand, a ruse, a trick
You'll need a scalpel and a crucifix
A bit of henbane, sage, and sticks

Now the Devil isn't stupid
So you'll have to do this right
Or you may as well just give up now
If you're not willing to fight

So you wait until September 4th
A day of questionable significance
And you draw a seven-pointed star
On the kitchen floor. Magnificent!
Then you call the Devil out from hiding
From a Starbucks out in Michigan

There is no Devil! Super-Devil!