Super Splendid Flavor Laugh

Thom Yorke diede todaye
Billy Idol never dies
Thom Yorke diese eache daye

Disassociate
You have the latest software
Dennis Callaci

Abridged perversion
Very few understand it
Dennis Callaci

Please try to regulate your speech. Mistakes are hard to erase.

Calcium Carbonate (Three Joke Haiku)

he was bon-i-fied
put her drink onto my tab
that's shale in the treads

Don't ever get your hopes up. Remember your leafy greens!

Earth Clinic tells me that "Molasses Cures Cancer!"

This all makes sense to me now, because in December of 2005, I read the following:
B&G Foods has signed an agreement to acquire the Grandma's Molasses brand from Mott's LLP, a Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages company, for US$30m in cash and certain assumed liabilities.

Which immediately made me think about the CEO and Director of B&G, David L. Wenner. According to the B&G website:
Prior to joining B&G Foods, Mr. Wenner spent 13 years at Johnson & Johnson in supervision and management positions, responsible for manufacturing, maintenance and purchasing. Mr. Wenner is active in industry trade groups and has served as President of Pickle Packers International.

So, not only do you have the Johnson & Johnson connection (Read: Secret molasses/cancer research facilities located underground in the gently rolling hills of Garberville, California), you also have the "pickle" connection (Read: You can't work to cure a disease until you know how to cause said disease).

This brought me to a fascinating article from April of 2004 which had the following warning:
The Agency has issued a third update about contamination of Pran brand pickles with the illegal dye Sudan I, after it emerged that a further product, Boroi Sweet Pickle, is affected.

The connections between "Mr." Wenner and the Sudan I pickle poisonings were beginning to make sense. It seems that molasses will likely be a cure to the specific cancer one gets from consumption of the Sudan I pickle.
Again:
Dec 11, 2005 (KHARTOUM) — The Ministry of Animal Resources has said that it has confirmed that the reason behind fish perishing in the Blue Nile in Al-Jazirah State was molasses waste being discharged by the sugar factory near the area.

So it seems that the Grandma's Molasses acquisition coincides directly with a fish-killoff in the Sudan.

Makes you look twice, doesn't it?

Steve Irwin Cardiology Journal

I see that you subscribe to the Steve Irwin Cardiology Journal
I am now convinced you've given up on the medical model
That you are embracing the "new medicine" we've both derided over so many pints
I picture you holding a patient's hand and explaining, "Our verbal languages may be different, but this...this we both understand"
I warn you now, my friend
His methods have consequences both legal and ethical
And for every practitioner that successfully steps into his shoes
Twenty others lose their minds

Yes! They go insane!

Bobcat

Kim's mom transport on 09/05 to Dr. Gott at Casa Colina at 2pm
Disability info
Mody for form
Call Crystal
Lab
New mask
water
return Givens thing
bobcat

Spend more time outdoors! Go camping in 3 weeks.

Strained Lotus

she told me to meet her at the Strained Lotus
and when I asked about the cuisine she said
it's about a D+
the restaurant was more crowded than I expected
and the county considered it a B establishment
the plum wine kept coming
and so did she but that story can be told
another time
I was too drunk to drive and I asked her for a taxi
and she said she didn't have one
I had one but that story can be told
another time
we ended up at her place which is funny because
it's my place too
we had the leftovers boxed and we left them in the cab
which is fine because she was right about it
being a D+

Always wear a surgical mask when performing surgery.

Lifesmell (Corduroy vs. Machine oil)

You must be mistaken
I am not the drunk guy from the wedding
There are groups of white men
Masquerading as me
And these bastards
Confide in the bride's mother
All their regrets and,
Alternately,
Hopes
Not for the lucky couple
But for themselves
And it is because of these men
That I forward my own apology
For their behavior
On my behalf

Heart disease is only half the answer. Love early and often.

Kelp Beds and Memory Foam

your clear directions are written in clean white beach sand
against black asphalt
I use a broom to disperse the four foot F and move on
to the U
you are not mentally compromised as far as I can tell
though arguably obsessive
my arms getting sore as I sweep the C into the gutter
a passing truck turns the K into an R
your perfect kerning has not been lost on me and I move on
to the next set of san serif dunes
and the O is impossible to fully distort
becoming larger and fuzzier yet still discernible
unlike the two remaining Fs
I stand with a pushbroom in our driveway on Balboa Boulevard
in the ruins of our sandcastle

Memory foam.

Dream Crusher

I feel a strong kinship
To the remorseful killers I meet
If we could take it back
We would
We would unload the gun
Or look at ourselves and laugh
Knowing how much worse it could be
And we would be so thankful
To have another chance to live
Without the malignant, tugging ghost
Of our own creation

Try listening to the sounds of the ocean. There's peace in there somewhere.

Classic Vertical Eruption (Anti-Growing Bulge Theory)

The scientists couldn't see
That the blocked magma was inflating a water balloon
Inside a birthday cake
For little Johnny
Happy birthday little Johnny

Steve Martin is funny. I am not funny.

Kirkland Drinking Water

real pureness hugged by clear walls
an opaque lid guards against evaporation
and impurities
hired by angry queens and other imperialists
these mercenary armies of impurities
negotiate truces with one another
in order to form a more perfect union
to stand together through troubled times
to offer solace to those with sick or dying parents
and to establish unconditional positive regard
while wearing only thin cotton night-shirts
THIN COTTON NIGHT-SHIRTS
**Franz///KitchenAid///Regen-V**
when pairing John Ritter sandwich kings with
old Madonna look-alikes
we are left with a decimal on both sides of our zero
while the opaque lid does its dance of nothingness
in order to keep the water clean

Drink plenty of water every day. Be prepared for death!

God Tuchy

Yeoow!!
God touchy
Lets me let you do what you need to
And that drives Lambert crazy
Please let him go crazy
And that's what makes the water flow
And lets me be the snake
Snake boy letting god touchy go
Fantastic flow
I know oh how I know
So Lambert flexes
And I invite your guests
To your party of parties
And now I pass the test
Giant isms make me plan for the past!

Don't take child talk as serious! Borrow malt liquor now.

Claims Definition

three times in one week
talk spreads at the Salt Flats Bar
could there be tunnels?

desert vapor cloud
off-road vehicles stalling
children with helmets

the news comes in slow
uniformed men on horseback
set perimeters

Try making your own vitamins. Not so easy!

Bay Leaf

I found a handgun in my wife's underwear drawer
Two boxes of ammo and a cleaning kit
So close to her nether-garments
A firearm on a secret shelf
What if I had found panties in her gun drawer?

Go through your spouse's drawers tonight!

Nordhoff Sequence

You have read to me
Passages from the Nordhoff Sequence
And while I tried to listen
You pried my eyes open with your hope
That I would one day have a child of my own
To whom I could give such a gift
The Nordhoff Sequence was the dust in my eyes
From the rafters of your heaven
The Nordhoff Sequence object-fucked me
Of my perceived innocence
Now, with you awaiting your end
I would like to, finally, read to you

Science is religion for squares. Mad. Back. Yes.

Immediate Resource Distribution Scenario

When I called out loudly into the august August
night
Your name came out from my throat like a missile
The force was enough to drain the light from the
stars
Giving us, finally, a truly black night
And that was the night before the morning I
buried you
Immediate resource distribution scenario
And your name allowed me to label and carry you
Immediate resource distribution scenario

Corn is like grapes. Corn wine!

Frosl ("osl")

car for osl
left bank osl
terry cloth osl four-bank
lemon-four terry cloth osl bank

ten alito osl four-bank! car osl!

Wild Harvested Crystal Manna Blue Green Algae

Love, like essential products, is about taking risks
Passion, much like those things we must have, is about saying "Yes" and saying it often
Will you walk in that puddle?
Yes. Yes I will.
Will you offer the toothless man a backrub?
Yes. Of course. Risks...yes.
And whenever you open the refrigerator, will you declare that you've found the raccoon?
Yes. Yes on the raccoon find refrigerator pledge.
Trust, very much like Wild Harvested Crystal Manna Blue Green Algae, is about purposely bruising your thighs and claiming you were attacked by a forest animal (most likely a rabid deer)
My bilateral thigh bruises occurred during an assault by Nature's Mammal.
Will you win the battle with the mammal?
Yes. I will win. I take risks and I will win.

Trust and passion alone make for a very weak milkshake. Try adding a silica-based catalyst.

January Mistweed (fortified brain-nubby)

You brought me a parcel from "Francie"
She sent me a little "Faux Grox"
You, being so clever, knew I would not eat Grox
Planned the whole thing
You knew I would throw the package down
**In Disgust**
And Francie would be but a memory
She with her poultry hair
And an air of despair

Oh contrare! Oh Sinclair!

Bitters (as many as forty ingredients)

Lost girl rides a maraschino cherry like a Hippety-Hop
Clear red juice collects in erratically-spaced ponds on the imported quarry-stone patio
Her increasingly hard landings take a toll on sugar-saturated cherry skin
The once-round fruit-mount gives way to the space left from the previous pitting
And she wonders if all of her steeds will be hollow

Date-sugar is both sweet and fruity! Eat it or ride it!