Bitters (as many as forty ingredients)

Lost girl rides a maraschino cherry like a Hippety-Hop
Clear red juice collects in erratically-spaced ponds on the imported quarry-stone patio
Her increasingly hard landings take a toll on sugar-saturated cherry skin
The once-round fruit-mount gives way to the space left from the previous pitting
And she wonders if all of her steeds will be hollow

Date-sugar is both sweet and fruity! Eat it or ride it!

Aloe (1025 hours free)

mites are everywhere
abscessed ears produce cat funk
smelling up our lives

now dog-dog has it
and her waxy canals stink
mites are everywhere

brown spots dot the sheets
as dead mites fall from cat ears
we should have had kids

A shout out to the ladies! More vagina!

Eats (Vorticum Septum Vulgaris)

Oh! Ye of strong menthol!
Come hither, Vicks snakery!
How you climb through obvious vaporial drafts
Only to cause tingling warmness!
You are strong and mineral-based
Like the dark liquid we have fought wars over
And once the wars are over
You will be there to soothe our strained alveoli
You will comfort the limbless soldiers
Who bonded with one another amidst sandstorms and prostitutes
With a frightening explosion now and then
It's hard to pry these men apart
From the morbid gravity of memories
And the understanding of honor
That can never be duplicated among civilians

Lock and load! Try some zinc lozenges along with your Vicks!

Commiphora Resin

a sober driver
car is gassed up; oil looks fine
such a long, clean road

passing mile markers
and unintentionally
I read a billboard

I am admonished
to please drink responsibly
they must know better

If you meet the Buddha on the road, acknowledge him with brief eye contact and a slight nod. He likes that.

Salvia Divinorum (Labiatae)

I waited until Significant Other took the hit
When She ran to the kitchen I figured I had better put the pipe down
Her face was red and dry like the felt on a Christmas stocking
And Her eyes were dark stars or buttons. Whatever.

Emergency room doctor nodded while I talked
Having heard these same lies under slight variations in circumstance
My guilt must have made the air around us taste sour
Because his concern-face bunched up into a look of disgust
As if he had licked the metallic shame from the back of my mouth

And She had lost Her mind and gained it back in two hours
Or so She had us all believe for the past few months
But something inside of Her was different in a very bad way
Pounding the message home like an ABC After-School Special
And her eyes were dark stars or buttons. Whatever.

Treasure what you have. Or don't. Whatever.

Methylene Chloride (turn the channel)

I recently received a complaint from a woman
Who blamed Visual Nutrients for her son's allergic reaction
To althea root
And it's not that I don't feel bad
About her stupid kid's decision
To read a nutrient he had a known allergy to
I guess I just feel bad
That I received a complaint
Because reading Visual Nutrients is a choice
And most of the time it's a healthy choice

Do not read tonight's nutrient! Reading is never completely safe.

Phosphorus Pentachloride

John McCain brings flowers to his wife
hoping she won't ask about the horrific torture
he underwent while a prisoner during the Vietnam War
he looks into her eyes and knows she has a question
inside, he shrivels and waits
"did they make you eat their shit?"
not as bad an inquiry as last week
when she wanted to know about the bent metal rod
and how they were able to push it so far inside him
without killing him
dinner is on the table
but he looks at the beautiful roast
and can only think about the taste of shit

Try controlling others with your thoughts! Now try controlling yourself!

Chocolate Calcium Chews

Oh my god! Is this candy or a nutritional supplement? I am so...
echoes of a crackling fire
it is night and you try to stay warm
I could eat a hundred of these! The flavor...
insects rise from their slumber to harass you
thin cloth does not shield you from nature's attack
What I hate most is having to unwrap each one! Why can't it be a big...
bones are found years later
archaeologists assign numbers to your pieces

There is no noble death. Prepare the slides.

Aspartame

I stopped by your grave tonight
It was hard to read your name because there wasn't much light
There were cemetery thugs hiding out in the darkness
The sounds of automobiles penetrated the starkness
I didn't stay long and there was no deep thought
Someday you'll come back as a robot
Except you'll have a human head
And you'll be singing the songs of Lobo and Bread

I found a diary underneath a tree. A simple man!

Cholecalciferol (Vitamin D3)

possum and raccoon
an animal rivalry
they could be brothers

one stupid, one smart
road-kill and the hotdog thief
grew up together

raccoon getting laid
while possum falls off a fence
nature is not fair

uber-cool face mask
versus thick scabby armor
raccoon always wins

Try imagining yourself as the raccoon! You make others feel bad!

D-glucarate (ambition vs. retention)

new-technology Furby stares at me through fleshy eyelids
I read the paper and solve the world's problems
in my head
new-technology Furby has a more ape-like appearance
and toes that look like individual uncircumcised penises
and I make a mental list of things to do today
new-technology Furby comes with a plastic spoon to assist in its feeding
and I am reminded of the Who song, "Substitute"
new-technology Furby competes with the dog for attention
and the dog wins every time

Profound statement. Ironic, whipsmart rejoinder nullifying profound statement.

Clam-Shell Calcium (clam)

you wore a shawl over your lower parts
even being otherwise naked
or nude, otherwise
except for that damned shawl
always covering
what I knew to be a very valuable pearl
that you kept between your legs
and this pearl was rumored to be the size
of a small marble
and perfectly round
held still by your labial folds
with opaque oily swoops and rainbows
defying the pretentiousness of other pearls
by being as spectacular as its setting
which, of course, are your labial folds

Electricity has made you more of a saint. I fainted when they tainted the paint!

Gator Testes (andro-sympathetic)

You are from Florida
and I hate you
What have you done to help others?
Yes. Nothing.
You are from Florida
and Wilma's on her way
Do you know her other name?
I bet you don't
I bet you think god's on your side
You are wrong.
God hates Florida
God hates you
God hates her other name

A good "B" supplement can help you if you're a drinker. A decent relationship can't hurt, either.

Hydrocodone (You Got Your Peanut Butter in my Chocolate Remix)

Yes the Vicodin is good and tasty sweet
But the jar of peanut butter is tucked away
--behind the meat
Oh yes, behind the meat is a jar of the jammy
Waiting for your taste buds to call to their mammy
So the chocolate is Hershey's and the bar is hard
There's a multiracial gathering
In the yard
--behind the meat

Try treating your pain with acupuncture. Then don't.

Fairy Dust

sometimes we adults
want to let the wind just blow
against our buildings

tensile strength tested
our engineers rarely err
while assessing air

the warm wind fools us
comfort everywhere outside
with static building

magnesium flares
how were we so lost in thought
that we just dried up?

Do not trust in magic. Nature is not magic.

Core Values (a tribute to the living)

looking at my mom
and wondering who carved out
her immortality
and made her just another person
in the struggle

I see the medical staff
some whom I have worked with
and I am familiar with their lies
and up until two weeks ago
so was she

the 21st century
has done away with the white labcoat
and given way to off-the-rack suits
stylish yet affordable
in the era of HMOs

dramatically, she asks me to have her cremated
so I pretend to arrange it immediately
from her bedside phone
and she slaps the bed with her hand and says
"hang up that goddamn phone"

What I would give for some "anytime minutes" about now.

Grain Alcohol (Everclear)

Drunk friend finally found himself in my mirror
"What does drunk friendship mean to you?"
I replied that he should not be using my mirror
"Will you save me this time?" asks drunk friend
I again replied, though this time differently than my first reply:
Haiku Second Reply
there was a savior
His name was Jesus H. Christ
He wore a nice suit

if He came to you
you would reject His offer
of no closing costs

but He is long gone
He took the Feds' offer of
witness protection

The second reply is always a thin riddle! Thiddle!

Wooden Secrets (House of Car)

I am expelling
and you are falling asleep
we both work so hard

expectations suck
as Nature's little tricks laugh
and again, we write

the tragic line up
for a spot with one of us
ignore them, kind of

Sorrow can tear through any structure! We defeat ourselves!

Chicken Nutrients (A Marital Blessing for Stella and Tim)

Like a forklift in motion
He'll grab a nearby spoon and plunge it into the pot
Pulling up a hot, savory surprise
He'll longingly blow on the spoon
And at last, open his mouth to taste my love potion
The Nutrients of Marriage are the Nutrients of Chicken

Tryptophan
A lonely chicken
His posture a crooked road
Where will he travel?
Vitamin B3 (niacin)
The plucky young hen
Dances to the radio
Her beak mouthing words
Protein
A chance meeting now
Lone traveler and dancer
Beaks touch; Feathers twitch
Vitamin B6 (pyridoxine)
How can birds feel so?
That four wings have twice the lift
Allowing full flight
Phosphorus
But these birds will stay
These birds will scratch together
Sharing worms and seeds
Calories (223)
A free-range lifestyle
Watching black and white sunsets
What all birds strive for

Happy marriage! Lots of love to both of you!

Molybdenum (Post-Redux)

You are so dumb
Your brain is numb
And your father? Your father is a bum
And like you, he always wants some
chorus
Molybdenum- it's the nutrient of choice
Helping the speechless find their voice
Molybdenum- from dandelion greens
Helping the helpless make the scene
verse
Cat got your tongue?
Thinking about your mum?
You treat her like chum
Do sharks have tongues?
chorus ii
Molybdenum- taking over this town
Out on the dance-floor spinning around
Molybdenum- to some degree
Is adored by all on bended knee
chorus iii
Molybdenum- controlling your thoughts
Innocence lost in terra-cotta pots
Molybdenum- borrows your things
Book covers stained with coffee rings
chorus iii.5
Molybdenum- god is dead
All worth saying has all been said
Molybdenum- the battle is lost
The theme song's written by Mike Post

Never stop while you're ahead! You're ahead!