Boracium (from plants)

You get your boracium from plants
Your pants are disgusting
Why won't you obey the Elders?
I'm pulling an "Aztec Parent" maneuver on you
Replacing the gasoline in your motorbike
With Cranapple
Diet Cranapple

Respect the Elders. Drink fake juice!

Acidic Bog-Water

Jupiter is a planet
Adidas is a shoe
One is larger than the Earth
The other is a shoe
The Outback is a steakhouse
A cupcake is a cake
One serves awful food to jerks
The other is a cake

Late at night I dream of the final battle. Bodies of men. Head of cattle.

Phosphorous

when you were just small
you took apart my Zippo
cylindrical flints
the wick left smudges
oily soot on your fingers
you ruined my lighter

Childhood is temporary. Adulthood is temporary.

Sodium Benzoate

you taught me hate
sodium benzoate
you slapped my date
sodium benzoate
you broke my left arm
and I cried out loud
sodium benzoate
sodium benzoate

Use surgery to mend your abdomen. You have the infection!

Jean Anouilh (fenugreek)

your book is really funny
I read it every night
your deep interpretations
make me feel all right
I want to get to know you
but you have passed away
I think you might have been a bore
anyway

Your spice mixes lack freshness. You lack the "zammo" flavor that we all desire. Zammo!

Potassium (from potash)

church bus repair clinic
divorced comedians (comics)
false memory of a Cape Cod clam shack

your surgeon skipped town
after the Neil Young tribute band
failed to play any Neil Young songs

Ambien party dress
a falling-out in Lakewood
your Pam Dawber potash fantasy

We all hoard thoughts. We are thoughtful!

Lake Water

We drank lake water
We did not get sick
Then we ate unwashed spinach
And we were fine
But now you have chemical sensitivities
And you believe black mold lives in the wall

I'd offer you a glass of wine, but the sulfites would kill you. You wouldn't know anaphylaxis if it bit off your head!

Corn Husks

you used corn husks
as a shield against the pain
and then the country music
helped me find an ARCO
or maybe it was Costco
whatever the case
you found an Iowa solution
to a Wall Street problem

You could own a boat. You do not own a boat.

Procyandins

You wore your Planned Parenthood bathrobe
You used your John Travolta voice
Your acceptance speech was moving
Now get out of here
Leave your computer
I like your computer

I completely forgot what I was saying. Is this thing still on?

Inulin

I was taken aside by Important Woman.
She said to me:

Your nutrients have really gone off track. My people will no longer fund your project.

I told her I would get back to the basics, like John Ritter, Ed Asner, and that maybe I would introduce Gabe Kaplan.
She said to me:

Gabe Kaplan value-train uses bread-money to liquify our Asner Mummies to bottle and sell to Pfizer or Dista.

I used Kaplan-medicine on my Ritter-neck. Give me my funding!

Barley Grass

picnic basket
severed hand
checkered blanket
bluegrass band
autumn day
sowed regret
an afternoon I shan't forget

Don't take rubbing alcohol literally. Don't take anything!

Occupy Metrosideros

we took a flowering shrub
and a clawfoot tub
we built a bank for dineros
lined with metrosideros
we were buoyed by the market
and shopped at Walmart and Target
we bought rawhide for our perros
in the shade of the flowering metrosideros

Occupy everything. You exist for now, so bring it, bitches!

Taxus Baccata

we bought the overpriced Audible Variants disc
and we were happy
we found it at:
http://visualnutrients.bigcartel.com/
and we continued being stupid

Don't be stupid! Use a rarefied bird.

Jeryl Lynn (B Level)

we were supposed to meet up at Donahoo's
or really just a few doors down
at the Aegis Pomona clinic
but you were a no-show
it was a few weeks later that we learned
about you becoming a mump
you had raided one of those "medical waste" containers
and grabbed the first useable rig
and now you are a mump
you look like a nipple
and your head is a bump
you are a mump

You do not have to become like Jer. Please continue with either methadone or chicken!

Xanthomonas Campestris (cat food)

we talked about the cat food
we talked about the cat
it seems the cat is unlicensed
we have an unlicensed cat
the laws about cats have been broken
we are the ones breaking the laws
if witnesses end up subpoenaed
there will be bibles beneath kitty paws

If your child asks you whether you believe in god, just lie. You have no choice!

Substance H

your seatbelt tastes like sweat
or maybe woven vinyl is naturally salty
don't you ever clean the interior?
you read like a child
mouthing the words as you go along
do you do that when you drive?

Haiku Mouth Reader
you read with your mouth
like your eyes control your lips
each blink is a pause

The $16.99 "Gold Wash" is a ripoff. Your interior is still filthy.

Ritter Albumin

The cornstarch thickened evening sky
The post-apocolyptic drama
You tell me you're too weak to cry
Donkey Monkey Llama

The windows of the tract home
Are fogged with stale ammonia
If you ever feared you'd die alone
Donkey Monkey Llama

The sentence you've been given
Lacks only for a comma
A pause that means you're living
Donkey Monkey Llama

Think twice before you make your decision. That means nothing.

Krill Oil (from San Dimas)

you were a radical cleric
from the planet called Krill
I asked you for croutons
you asked me to kill
I found you intriguing
and I did what you said
I ate croutons at night
now there's crumbs in my bed
your backwards ideas
involved squares of hard bread
that led to the terror
of crumbs in my bed
so I tell you this, cleric
I have pushed your agenda
but with sugar so sweet
I'm ignoring your Splenda™

Use religion to sweeten your coffee. Use God for the creamer!

Krill Oil (from Costco)

Belinda Mayne feeds on skin
and that makes her awful
Stanford Sherman eats only skin
he is also awful

Haiku Skin Eaters (two of them)
1983
I graduated high school
you were eating skin

Easter of last year
you asked for skin-covered Peeps
because you're awful

You have learned how to ruin things more slowly. Bite me!

Azomethine (plasma/grandma)

pulled in many directions
you continue to retract
with hopes that no outside force
will grasp your many tendrils
but you are wrong
your hopes are not based on the American Red Cross
The American Red Cross helps people
all people
American Red Cross, motherfuckers!
Salvation Army? Fuck no!
We are dealing with the goddamned American Red Cross!
please eat a plate of steaming shit if you will not bow down to
The American Red Cross!
THEY OWN YOUR BLOOD! You gave it to them, you stupid shits!

Prepare a family emergency plan for fire, earthquake, or flood. And give your blood away for free, you stupid shits!