Bacillus Cereus (Uncle Max Tribal Mix)

We had no idea that the Billy Joel thing would get so out of hand. The Tendril Sisters brought out the big guns and restored a whole houseload of appliances. I talked with my wife about my fascination with Ed Asner and she was unable to grasp how (A)sner had changed my life and Billy Joel's life for the better. She told me that I didn't know Billy Joel and that the way I sing his songs is kind of scary. I listened to two of her mother's old 78s and wait...

I really have nothing to say. Fuck you!

Crenshaw

people in the hood
got hardships and all that shit
but my pain means more
at least to me
do they think about me?
all I ever think about is me
albeit briefly

Your journey is meaningless! You are meaningless!

Tin

The home pregnancy test shows a blue minus sign, meaning she will have a child with a negative attitude. She'll name the child after a comet, but won't really know that she named the child after a comet. She'll just remember that she liked the name and saw it in the paper or heard it on television.

Use gasoline as an astringent! Promises are fads!

Iron

Tonight I worked with the doctor who's also a poet and he wanted to know what I thought of Noam Chomsky.
I said that I thought he was probably pretty lonely.
Then the doctor who's also a (p)ublished (p)oet said that of all the things I could have said about Noam Chomsky that he had just never thought of him as someone who would be lonely.
I asked my friend the doctor whose (N)ew (B)ook of (P)ublished (P)oetry just came out whether he thought that poets and linguists could ever really get along and he said he supposed not.

Noam's pain is nothing special! Yours never was!

ffp

I long for a good short story
I stored a good long shoreman
Some stove spilt goo on Lance Sherman
Stemmed spores long for lamb shanks to mend
Oh to mend/oh to mend/ode to men
I have quality time
And it's no crime to rhyme about
Sailors and saints and the Poles with their paints
From their rituals
There is a freedom to riding without a helmet
To hell with it
Oh now, to hell with it

The dance lessons didn't take. All you ever say is "envelope".

Ginger

I cross bug spray off my list
After I find the "Stater-Saver" brand
One dollar ninety-nine compared to almost four for the Raid
My main concern is that the cheap spray may not kill as quickly as the Raid might
Thus prolonging any agony that the bugs experience on their journey to death
Am I a better man for allowing them more time?
More time to feel the harsh neurotoxins seep through shiny-black bug skin
Does it feel like being burned? Electrocuted? Suffocated?
I end up buying the Raid, knowing that the better man kills bugs quickly and efficiently
Because that is what he, himself, would want
When the spray comes down from above

Have yourself a good cry. Your life is sad!

Thiamin (a rebel song)

I am (M)ango-green with envy
That your father trusted you with a gun
And took you hunting (R)ustic-brown animals
That tumbled down slow like a Peckinpah dream
With Dustin Hoffman by your side
You always got the better ride
(F)antastic rebel! Choose your devil!
Pills have r(u)led your dopamine
Levels skewed your middle bubbles
Reduce this town to rubble
Let's reduce this on the double!

Tepid water is fear. Dad killed the deer.

Althea (Marshmallow) Root

In the village of Ralegaon Siddhi, native alpacas known as "domestic partners" are allowed access to all places that humans can go. One of these domestic partners often leaves refurbished IBM Selectric typewriters in the village museum, earning him the name "Timmy." I have written a poem for Timmy for reasons I cannot discuss yet.
Poem for Timmy
The patina on the brass plate was dark like a chow's tongue
In a chow's mouth without light
But whose eye can see dark patina in a lightless chow's mouth?
The eye of Timmy the alpaca can see through chow cheeks
Because alpacas have quantum-foveated retinas
Allowing for the seeing of the aforementioned dark patina
Timmy called for the birth of a new god
Timmy read the words on the brass plate:
---be with it that this new god be named Mr. Lucky---

Go hiking someplace locally! You'll be surprised that nature has not abandoned you!

Borage Seed Oil (Town Without Pity Remix)

Who would wrap their child in foil?
Rice hulls aerate stubborn soil
A watched pot has no will to boil
You stained the valence with borage seed oil
Child in foil
Stubborn soil
Will to boil
Borage seed oil!
You left this town a total wreck
Redwood makes a stunning deck
I hear you used to hang with Beck
As I suspected, (R)itter-Neck
Total wreck
Stunning deck
Hang with Beck
(R)itter-Neck!
I watched you tear your life to shreds
The cure for cluttered lawns is sheds
Sour dough sows sour breads
The name of this band is the Talking Heads!
Life to shreds
Lawns is sheds
Sour breads
Talking Heads!

Time heals all wounds! Unless infection runs rampant!

Propolis (Derived from Genus Vespula Carne)

Ron (H)oward pulls out his throwdown, knowing he can't use his duty piece to waste the useless perp standing in front of him. Borrowed time. That's all any of us have, really. On top of that, it's a bad loan...one that none of us can ever repay.

Let's not go there, please.

Pantonious Hydrochloride (filler)

Language makes us weak and stupid
When other animals want to fuck
They just bite each other and go for broke
People ruin everything with language
Except books
Books would suck without language
Maybe books about fucking without language would be okay
But what would the reviews be like?

Quit thinking about your parents! Is that a bruise?

Pantothenic Acid

wait for UPS
men in brown on power trips
handling your package

smell-test for chicken
bacterial entropy
use or freeze by date

candlelight dinner
a farm bird dressed in tight shorts
does a sexy dance

without choice, I join
strong wine clouding my judgment
soft lips meet hard beak

the bird demands cash
or the photos hit the web
last night meant nothing?

Make your marinade more tangy by using household ammonia! Very base!

Dong Quai

"Some things rot from the outside in."
It's just a pimple. A simple pimple.
"No. I'm fairly certain I am rotting. Just look."
It's just stress. And you drink too many Diet C***s.
"Why the *s?"
I don't want it to seem like Visual Nutrients is critiquing any particular brand name items.
"So if I said Diet P****s instead of Diet C***s, you would still put the *s?"
Let's face it. Diet P**** sucks, plain and simple.
"But everyone knows what you're really saying, so why not just come out with it?"
Do you remember your dream about John Kerry?
"Yes."
How he told you that he would lose the debates with George Bush because the American people weren't ready for the truth?
"It was my dream. Of course I remember it."
It's the same thing here. We know what's being said, but can't admit to really saying it.
"So what does it mean when I say I'm rotting from the outside in?"
Try saying it again.
"I'm r*****g from the outside in."

Keep your insides clean by drinking plenty of w***r. E** p***** *f s****! C***!

Acetic Acid 5%

Beneath her sweater he was certain he felt a lump
The angora sensualized what he knew to be a potential malignancy
Nancy pushed him aside and stated the obvious
"You! The King! How could you?"
He reached again for furry rabbit wool covering soon-dead cancer-flesh
"I demand a different outcome! You are the King and I am diseased, am I not?"
He thought of the Easter song about Eggbert the lonely egg
He imagined himself covered in mites and that the mites turned into rabbits
He made wishes that were almost prayers and he knew he could do nothing to help her

Trader Joes sells multivitamins. Cheap butter, too.

Vanadium

Cheryl bought an excessive amount of halloween candy
"Everyone has kids and they have kids that want some candy"
She sets down the bowl of Almond Joys and moves toward the bowl of Smarties
"The neighborhood kids will need plenty of sweets to complete their halloween experience"
It's about ten p.m. on an August night and she's putting out the candy again
"God I love this holiday"

Try having sex with your thumb! Keep reading; it's healthy!

Molten Lead

Shy Producer makes Slimfast smoothies
With a Waring blender from (g)od-knows-when
And there's this burnt electrical smell
Like ozone and old plastic
And he misses his friends who have moved away or died
Their appliances were in similar disrepair
With the ability to awaken the senses
To all the odd and great combinations

When watching the moon for activity, take frequent breaks. Developmental lag!

Docosahexaenoic Acid (DHA)

She asked me my sign and I stupidly said "Pisces" which is true but I now realize that anyone asking that question is attempting a "brain-jump" in that they seize on your pre-answer and send a mental note out to the (C)ollectors. Later on that night my greatest fears were verified in the way the moon was only casting "half-shadows" as if afraid of fully reflecting earth's now-contaminated light. Why is it that the moon (Mr. Moon) is so clued-in while other gravity slaves are veritable idiots?

Wrap onion skins in cheesecloth. Now what?

Wakame

...and while you're at it, why don't you do a little dance?

Fantasies are unhealthy! You're the dancer!

Sorbitan Monostearate

My pals gave me a special cup
Into which I poured a very old can of malt liquor
With some name like "Konsky's Shelf"
And as I downed the sour-bitter Konsky
I thought about how my pals had sold me out
My pals who ratted me out to my ex
My good buds that ended up with more of a taste than I ever got
And with that, the stale uber-beer was suddenly
A damn fine drink, if I must say

Use a touch of tea-tree oil during foreplay. Refreshing!

Gerovital (GH3)

when you were younger
with one line about nature
gun-barrel phallus

last year at this time
middle nature line insert
cold steel tube, oh yeah

now with you older
we have natural middle
you are in my sights

Take a self-defense class! Because you're weak!