Lunar Caustic

your stapler is a Bostich
your sweatshirt looks exhausted
and you're beating me to death
with your Elisabeth Kübler-Ross stick
you started out agnostic
your friends all said you lost it
but you and me shared secrets
while we sucked down lunar caustic

Your friends are not nice. They use Swinglines!

Cobalt Chloride (from heterosexuals)

heterosexist
VIP room in Texas
the DJ is mad

these trendy clubs
confused desire in the dubs
drugged desperation

use cobalt chloride
heterosexual pride
fork, spoon, and steak knife

Take a heterosexual to dinner. Take a homosexual to breakfast!

Myrrh

you brought me myrrh
we sold it to some potheads
and told them it was myrrh
they were admitted through the ER
for kidney irritation, skin rash, and diarrhea
holiday devil box
holiday devil box
please take the box of myrrh

Wrap your gifts with sheep casings! Bring your neighbor a slice of demon!

Oxalic Acid (from Spinach)

Warren Beatty (male) hired a (female) nurse
with expertise in the application
of healing poultice
he (Mr. Beatty) made "sorrow chorizo" from scratch
and used gauze for the casing
his (Warren) will was broken
allowing for the nurse (woman) to straddle him (him)
and apply the healing poultice
to his (Warren) gauzy chorizo

Spend all your money. Listen to AM radio.

Rennet Substitute

think of cheese as a high school football coach
which makes rennet his filthy acquisition
the coach is full of rennet
the coach takes rennet from the unwilling
the coach destroys the innocence of the young
cheese is the coach

Please don't let your kids play organized sports! I love pizza!

Funnel Cake

Comfort and Survival
walk into a bar
The bartender asks Comfort
"What'll it be?"
Comfort takes a long look at the drink specials board and says,
"Something comforting"
Survival, meanwhile
Shoots and kills a deer
Providing venison to last through the harsh winter

Use your friends like underwear. Only change them when forced by society!

Mycoprotein

I brought my mycoprotein to the "Horoshi Dance Bar"
and was told to leave by three men and a girl-child
The girl-child's name was "Spider"
The three men were named "Matthew" and "Carl"
Spider used a basket for transportation
and had an allergy to hay
Matthew and Carl walked back into the bar
and I dumped Spider onto the sidewalk
which was more like a horizontal concrete window

Go out dancing once in a while. You seem unhappy!

Fish Oil (from fish)

These fish are dry.
Has "Big Oil" fracked our fish?
Or are we negative trending?

Nutrients seem harder to come by.
Harder to come by.
Come by. Sometime.

I know about the mugs and shirts.
And the third-stage smog alerts.
We will just get our desserts and go.

For saying a lot, I sure do beat around the bush!