Probiotic Mushrooms

The pizza you ordered
Came with probiotic mushrooms
Which would have been fine
If instead of being hungry
We were interested in living
But we were not interested in living
We wanted to eat pizza
And drink red wine
But somehow you fucked up the order
And the delivery guy
Bless his 19-year old stoned-ass heart
Arrived at our door not so much holding a pizza box
But conjoined with a pizza box
He was covered in life
Vines and flora and even a paw
And he crawled off our porch
Becoming a permanent part of our landscape

The pizza guy was alive! We are alive!

Microcrystalline Cellulose (Nature's Best!)

There is a problem with my "Optitopsysmosis" technology that has not been addressed yet here on Visual Nutrients. I have done what no scientist should ever do: I withheld data that *may* influence how these valuable (yet free on my site) nutrients are absorbed into your body. The problem involves the vision center in the brain and how the data (and, obviously, moleculonutrients) are transferred into your cellular structure when the "tiny moment" concludes. What I am getting at here is the fact that this is not necessarily a visual function, but an optical function. What this means exactly, I do not yet know. I am not a scientist.

Science is pure fact! The best scientists are Jews!

SAM-e (Ural, The)

When we played Risk you
You used to cheat, I
I know it because no one
No one could have rolled those
Those sixes and even*
Even when I watched
Watched you turn the dice over
Over in your hand, I
I still wanted to play again
Again and again

Bob Seger killed his brother Peete! *(not seven)

Purification Rundown (Katie Holmes Target Gift Card)

With the Fascut FS-600 Rebar Cutter Bender
The Garberville project moves along smoothly
With reinforced concrete and steel
Survival and repopulation should not be problematic
Safety and comfort must be emphasized
During the couple's first visit
And tell Katie that Michael Graves
Will also be here in due time

Rethink waste management! One-way valves?

Aristolochic Acid

The white people can't get enough of that ZZ Top!
Afterburner sure carved a new hole in the soundscape
That "shicka-shicka" background snare/cymbal combo
Spoke to the whites' "shicka-shicka" sensibilities
Like that old commercial where the kid gets peanut butter
Into the other kid's chocolate
You got your rock stuck in my blues!
You got your blues stuck in my rock!
And there is no "Behind the Music" special
Showing Gibbons and Ham "tugging the beard"
And there is no Barbara Walters special
Describing Mr. Hill's "alleged" surgery
To create a discrete flap of skin
Capable of hiding small amounts
Of birthwort
From the other white people

National anthem! International mayhem!

Ae_AAT1 (Ae. aegypti amino acid transporter 1)

When transporter 2 inevitably fails you
You know where you can go to feel safe
You know how to relive the comforts of the past
Of your first love
Fumbling about in a shameless fog
You will come back
You will come on back
To transporter 1
And when sickness returns to you
Like memories of a schoolyard threat
You will not see hide nor hair
Of transporter 2
You will end up drunk again
In a phone booth
Calling the only number that makes any sense
The number
To the home of transporter 1
And the familiar voice will soothe you
Reaving the chelated fears from your sides
You will come back
Yes you will come on back
To transporter 1

Try being the one you will always love! Narcissist!

Silo Gases

Your old apartment in Edgewater
With the brown carpet
Has been rented out to an Ohio couple
Who tragically have fewer limbs
Than most Ohio couples
And I am not asking that you
SEND MONEY
To the limb-challenged pair
But it is certainly an option
Given that you have the money
And know the address

There once was an Ohio couple
Whose grain silo formed a gas bubble
Some limbs were removed
By the exploding tube
As it launched up to space near the Hubble

When you lived in Edgewater
Making your fortune
Using both of your legs
And both of your arms
To walk around on the brown carpet
Holding a phone and a drink
Telling me
Business is business!
I would try to picture you
On fire in front of some corn

Be careful out there today! Limb-challenge!

Pine Needle (Threat)
I know a lot of smart people
And I am sure
You think you know a lot
Of smart people

I know a lot of genuine people
And I am sure
You think you know the next line
Because you are smart

I know a lot about you
And I am sure
You think I have no idea
About your true intellect

I know a lot about myself
And I am sure
I am in no position to judge you
But I do
And I am correct

You are mad at smart people! You are oh so mad!