Friday, July 29, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Inverse Nutrient (live chai)
******NOT A NUTRIENT*******
so it looks like you've gone ahead and started reading
well, well, thrillseeker
are you one of those genetically-inclined risk-takers?
do you think I should have hyphenated "thrillseeker"
and put it in italics?
Here's how that looks, assholes:
so it looks like you've gone ahead and started reading
well, well, thrillseeker
are you one of those genetically-inclined risk-takers?
do you think I should have hyphenated "thrillseeker"
and put it in italics?
Here's how that looks, assholes:
Thrill-seekerMaybe you should go to a vitamin-store from now on!
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Inverse Nutrient (special edition)
we build ourselves using pieces of the divine
but sometimes that divinity lies hidden
like wallpaper beneath paint beneath wallpaper
but sometimes that divinity lies hidden
like wallpaper beneath paint beneath wallpaper
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Inverse Nutrient (part two)
we designed your death dossier
exactly as the Wall Street Journal spelled out
in the article written by Saabira Chaudhuri
that we read together online before the catastrophe
who could have seen what was coming?
you rode shotgun on a Ski-Doo
and expected special German treatment
for mortified jaw
and now everything is terrible
These are not Visual Nutrients. Everything is terrible!
exactly as the Wall Street Journal spelled out
in the article written by Saabira Chaudhuri
that we read together online before the catastrophe
who could have seen what was coming?
you rode shotgun on a Ski-Doo
and expected special German treatment
for mortified jaw
and now everything is terrible
These are not Visual Nutrients. Everything is terrible!
Monday, July 04, 2011
Inverse Nutrient (part one-point-five)
Los Angeles County Fair was mortified jaw
Huey Petris and the Zion Trio equals mortified jaw
San Bernardino mortified jaw
Your terrible children are insured
Your lawn is seeded by State Farm
Los Angeles is a bear trap
Huey Petris and the Zion Trio equals bear trap
San Bernardino, however, mortified jaw
We all need insurance. You are feeling so tired!
Huey Petris and the Zion Trio equals mortified jaw
San Bernardino mortified jaw
Your terrible children are insured
Your lawn is seeded by State Farm
Los Angeles is a bear trap
Huey Petris and the Zion Trio equals bear trap
San Bernardino, however, mortified jaw
We all need insurance. You are feeling so tired!
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Inverse Nutrient (part one)
when the man from Jiffy Lube showed me my air filter
I was appalled
when the physician's assistant showed me my labwork
I was appalled
and when you showed me your cotton German brassiere
I admired the attention to detail
those Germans really know how to make a bra
and Germans often shy away from breaking the law
and very few Germans have a mortified jaw
German and the mortified jaw
You feel nutrients being pulled from you. Please do not read Visual Nutrients this month!
I was appalled
when the physician's assistant showed me my labwork
I was appalled
and when you showed me your cotton German brassiere
I admired the attention to detail
those Germans really know how to make a bra
and Germans often shy away from breaking the law
and very few Germans have a mortified jaw
German and the mortified jaw
You feel nutrients being pulled from you. Please do not read Visual Nutrients this month!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Not July Yet (concentrate)
so there's no more nutrients for July
and I'm all like, "What's it to you?"
and you go and say, "What's the deal with no nutrients?"
and I give you an answer that does not satisfy you
You are unsatisfied! Now I feel normal!
and I'm all like, "What's it to you?"
and you go and say, "What's the deal with no nutrients?"
and I give you an answer that does not satisfy you
You are unsatisfied! Now I feel normal!
Anutrient
I take July off
from writing these nutrients
see you in August
Use a healing poultice on your sores! You have sores!
from writing these nutrients
see you in August
Use a healing poultice on your sores! You have sores!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Soma
you had on your Cate Blanchett yarmulke
when the last rest stop in America closed
your ashtray gymnastics were admirable
but ultimately you bought the comb
Use a banjo like a man! You love the Interstate!
when the last rest stop in America closed
your ashtray gymnastics were admirable
but ultimately you bought the comb
Use a banjo like a man! You love the Interstate!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Inheritance Powder
you offered me a Valium
at least that's what I thought
I took it without question
(I like Valium a lot)
it seems you gave me thallium
a toxin most-renowned
this next part speaks of assets
with the last word being ground
promised in the lines above?
I've once again led you astray
the last word being ground
Ground.
at least that's what I thought
I took it without question
(I like Valium a lot)
it seems you gave me thallium
a toxin most-renowned
this next part speaks of assets
with the last word being ground
Haiku Last Word GroundSo where's the speak of assets
the last word is ground
why is it italicized?
here it is not: ground
promised in the lines above?
I've once again led you astray
the last word being ground
Ground.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Aegilops Speltoides
we made papier-mâché
with strips of newsprint, water, and flour
and wrapped it around inflated balloons
we liked what was happening
because we were on to something
we wanted thousands
but managed about twelve
sometimes we can only manage
about twelve of anything
You may doubt the behavior of the benchmark. You absolutely may.
with strips of newsprint, water, and flour
and wrapped it around inflated balloons
we liked what was happening
because we were on to something
we wanted thousands
but managed about twelve
sometimes we can only manage
about twelve of anything
You may doubt the behavior of the benchmark. You absolutely may.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Extract Extract
twice as strong
lasts double long
yours for a song
extract extract
healthy stuff
had enough?
no, you're tough
extract extract
Concentrate concentrate! Thinking won't kill you, stupid!
lasts double long
yours for a song
extract extract
healthy stuff
had enough?
no, you're tough
extract extract
Concentrate concentrate! Thinking won't kill you, stupid!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Tumbleweed Variant
The invasive species was unaware
Of its invasiveness
As Southern California went from Chumash to Spaniard to drunk white people
The chaparral knew no better
Than to welcome a new friend
Better an open home than a closed heart. Consequences be damned!
Of its invasiveness
As Southern California went from Chumash to Spaniard to drunk white people
The chaparral knew no better
Than to welcome a new friend
Better an open home than a closed heart. Consequences be damned!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Pigeon Root
I order the capsule-filling kit from Amazon
So I can make my own pigeon root supplements
A three pound bag of pigeon root is only $126.00
And I have chosen the vegetable matter capsules
Because the gelatin ones are made with sad animals
My guess is that I can make supplements out of anything
Like dryer lint
Or potting soil
Take pills to get better! If you're not better, you're worse!
So I can make my own pigeon root supplements
A three pound bag of pigeon root is only $126.00
And I have chosen the vegetable matter capsules
Because the gelatin ones are made with sad animals
My guess is that I can make supplements out of anything
Like dryer lint
Or potting soil
Take pills to get better! If you're not better, you're worse!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Cinnamon Bark (Westonbirt School)
you met her at the mop fair
and seduced her with your funny dance
the dance where your feet move so fast
In no way was this nutrient supposed to accuse the schoolgirls of being "easy targets" for street-dancing con artists. But the circumstances do make us wonder about where they were on the train when they clumsily undressed one another. And what of their relationship now, 37 years later?
Young love can kill an old man just the same as a young man can kill an old love. Stay in school!
and seduced her with your funny dance
the dance where your feet move so fast
Haiku Love at Kemble JunctionCinnamon Bark (Apologies to the Westonbirt Graduates of 1974)
your mop fair flopsy
left her panties on the train
you old codger, you
In no way was this nutrient supposed to accuse the schoolgirls of being "easy targets" for street-dancing con artists. But the circumstances do make us wonder about where they were on the train when they clumsily undressed one another. And what of their relationship now, 37 years later?
Young love can kill an old man just the same as a young man can kill an old love. Stay in school!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Agave (at the office)
I get it
your kid was told to sell candy
and since you are my coworker
I have to buy your damned kid's candy
so he or she can go to camp
or buy a uniform
when I was a kid
I would buy cinnamon oil and those flat toothpicks
and after I would dip them I would wrap them in foil
eight to a pack
and sell each pack for fifty cents
I would save that money and buy records
Uniforms? Camp? Your kids are Nazis!
your kid was told to sell candy
and since you are my coworker
I have to buy your damned kid's candy
so he or she can go to camp
or buy a uniform
when I was a kid
I would buy cinnamon oil and those flat toothpicks
and after I would dip them I would wrap them in foil
eight to a pack
and sell each pack for fifty cents
I would save that money and buy records
Uniforms? Camp? Your kids are Nazis!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Stress B Formula
when girls take Stress B Formula
they control the weather with their minds
which explains a lot about Florida
when boys take Stress B Formula
General Electric becomes less general
and more specific
when women, eventually, take Stress B Formula
river water becomes viscous
causing paddleboat problems
when men, inadvertently, take Stress B Formula
Hewlett Packard becomes less packered
and more unpackered
when we, as Californians, take Stress B Formula
neither nature nor business matter any longer
because, dude, cowabunga
If this nutrient seems substandard, light yourself on fire.
they control the weather with their minds
which explains a lot about Florida
when boys take Stress B Formula
General Electric becomes less general
and more specific
when women, eventually, take Stress B Formula
river water becomes viscous
causing paddleboat problems
when men, inadvertently, take Stress B Formula
Hewlett Packard becomes less packered
and more unpackered
when we, as Californians, take Stress B Formula
neither nature nor business matter any longer
because, dude, cowabunga
If this nutrient seems substandard, light yourself on fire.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Adenium Cannabinum
dog statues lined the memorial walkway
and they were not in alphabetical order
the Northern Inuit stood vigil
to stare across at the Canadian Cur
and within a few steps
another pair
this time a Beagle and a Schipperke
more steps brought more pairs
at least one hundred carved stone canines
none of the plaques had normal dog names
like Biscuit or Max
instead
they had names like Bible and Cafeteria
You ran out of patience long ago. Take a deep breath. Don't let it out!
and they were not in alphabetical order
the Northern Inuit stood vigil
to stare across at the Canadian Cur
and within a few steps
another pair
this time a Beagle and a Schipperke
more steps brought more pairs
at least one hundred carved stone canines
none of the plaques had normal dog names
like Biscuit or Max
instead
they had names like Bible and Cafeteria
You ran out of patience long ago. Take a deep breath. Don't let it out!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Inulin
if Wormy Ed Asner would give you inulin
we would have something to talk about
we would be able to look directly at one another with a sense of knowing
and comfort
Mr. Asner does not give you inulin
because he is possessive and mean
he is no stranger to the perils of love
and desperation
we would have something to talk about
we would be able to look directly at one another with a sense of knowing
and comfort
Mr. Asner does not give you inulin
because he is possessive and mean
he is no stranger to the perils of love
and desperation
Haiku Prebiotic ShieldGive your daughters inulin. Wormy Ed won't.
nature gives you worms
making you unattractive
god, you're so wormy
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