Probiotic Mushrooms

The pizza you ordered
Came with probiotic mushrooms
Which would have been fine
If instead of being hungry
We were interested in living
But we were not interested in living
We wanted to eat pizza
And drink red wine
But somehow you fucked up the order
And the delivery guy
Bless his 19-year old stoned-ass heart
Arrived at our door not so much holding a pizza box
But conjoined with a pizza box
He was covered in life
Vines and flora and even a paw
And he crawled off our porch
Becoming a permanent part of our landscape

The pizza guy was alive! We are alive!

Microcrystalline Cellulose (Nature's Best!)

There is a problem with my "Optitopsysmosis" technology that has not been addressed yet here on Visual Nutrients. I have done what no scientist should ever do: I withheld data that *may* influence how these valuable (yet free on my site) nutrients are absorbed into your body. The problem involves the vision center in the brain and how the data (and, obviously, moleculonutrients) are transferred into your cellular structure when the "tiny moment" concludes. What I am getting at here is the fact that this is not necessarily a visual function, but an optical function. What this means exactly, I do not yet know. I am not a scientist.

Science is pure fact! The best scientists are Jews!

SAM-e (Ural, The)

When we played Risk you
You used to cheat, I
I know it because no one
No one could have rolled those
Those sixes and even*
Even when I watched
Watched you turn the dice over
Over in your hand, I
I still wanted to play again
Again and again

Bob Seger killed his brother Peete! *(not seven)

Purification Rundown (Katie Holmes Target Gift Card)

With the Fascut FS-600 Rebar Cutter Bender
The Garberville project moves along smoothly
With reinforced concrete and steel
Survival and repopulation should not be problematic
Safety and comfort must be emphasized
During the couple's first visit
And tell Katie that Michael Graves
Will also be here in due time

Rethink waste management! One-way valves?

Aristolochic Acid

The white people can't get enough of that ZZ Top!
Afterburner sure carved a new hole in the soundscape
That "shicka-shicka" background snare/cymbal combo
Spoke to the whites' "shicka-shicka" sensibilities
Like that old commercial where the kid gets peanut butter
Into the other kid's chocolate
You got your rock stuck in my blues!
You got your blues stuck in my rock!
And there is no "Behind the Music" special
Showing Gibbons and Ham "tugging the beard"
And there is no Barbara Walters special
Describing Mr. Hill's "alleged" surgery
To create a discrete flap of skin
Capable of hiding small amounts
Of birthwort
From the other white people

National anthem! International mayhem!

Ae_AAT1 (Ae. aegypti amino acid transporter 1)

When transporter 2 inevitably fails you
You know where you can go to feel safe
You know how to relive the comforts of the past
Of your first love
Fumbling about in a shameless fog
You will come back
You will come on back
To transporter 1
And when sickness returns to you
Like memories of a schoolyard threat
You will not see hide nor hair
Of transporter 2
You will end up drunk again
In a phone booth
Calling the only number that makes any sense
The number
To the home of transporter 1
And the familiar voice will soothe you
Reaving the chelated fears from your sides
You will come back
Yes you will come on back
To transporter 1

Try being the one you will always love! Narcissist!

Silo Gases

Your old apartment in Edgewater
With the brown carpet
Has been rented out to an Ohio couple
Who tragically have fewer limbs
Than most Ohio couples
And I am not asking that you
SEND MONEY
To the limb-challenged pair
But it is certainly an option
Given that you have the money
And know the address

There once was an Ohio couple
Whose grain silo formed a gas bubble
Some limbs were removed
By the exploding tube
As it launched up to space near the Hubble

When you lived in Edgewater
Making your fortune
Using both of your legs
And both of your arms
To walk around on the brown carpet
Holding a phone and a drink
Telling me
Business is business!
I would try to picture you
On fire in front of some corn

Be careful out there today! Limb-challenge!

Pine Needle (Threat)
I know a lot of smart people
And I am sure
You think you know a lot
Of smart people

I know a lot of genuine people
And I am sure
You think you know the next line
Because you are smart

I know a lot about you
And I am sure
You think I have no idea
About your true intellect

I know a lot about myself
And I am sure
I am in no position to judge you
But I do
And I am correct

You are mad at smart people! You are oh so mad!

Hydrozyme 250T

digestive tract-homes
but you always say "track-homes"
my stomach hurts bad

our boy is gone now
replaced by nothing at all
dogs and the childless

I learned a new trick
on how to consume sorrow
without the burning

was life ever full
enough to make up for
all this drastic loss?

There are millions of unwanted animals! Want and love is not enough!

Galerina Autumnalis (one of the three destroying angels)

Randall had driven his Datsun 610 out onto the frozen lakebed before
He knew to stay within 100 yards of the shoreline
Even though the lake was only 300 yards across
But tonight they had managed to stuff six people in the car
Trevor had Callie on his lap in the passenger seat
Nina and Greg were already making out in the back
And Sheila kept her eyes locked on Randall's from the back seat
Jokingly, but not
Randall asked if he should go for it
Trevor couldn't talk because he had Callie positioned exactly right
But Callie said, "Sure, man. What do we have to lose?"
(and the sad thing is, Callie really did have nothing to lose)
Nina and Greg, keeping true to their future idiocy
Chanted, "Do it! Do it!"
And Sheila, through the rearview, made a "Home Alone" face
And winked at Randall
Letting him know that the outcome did not matter

Take a risk with your friends! Friendship is temporary!

Henbane (Hyoscyamus Niger)

When you feel the world is closing in
And your burden weighs a ton
When the guilt and shame of your past sins
Makes the Devil think he's won
You must remember you've got something
That can make that Devil run

When the light of life has lost its glow
And the candle's short on wick
There's a little secret you should know
A sleight of hand, a ruse, a trick
You'll need a scalpel and a crucifix
A bit of henbane, sage, and sticks

Now the Devil isn't stupid
So you'll have to do this right
Or you may as well just give up now
If you're not willing to fight

So you wait until September 4th
A day of questionable significance
And you draw a seven-pointed star
On the kitchen floor. Magnificent!
Then you call the Devil out from hiding
From a Starbucks out in Michigan

There is no Devil! Super-Devil!

Grossly Inadequate Carotenoids

I looked in the cupboard for the adequate carotenoids
I could not
For the life of me
Find them
I looked even deeper
On the lower shelves
(behind which many an onion
or potato
has softened into inedibility)
And I could not find them

I lowered my standards
And searched for the passable carotenoids
Lo and fucking behold
No sign of them, either

So here I am
Once again settling
For what you have left me
Hidden behind the cinnamon sticks
We bought for the mulled cider

I know in my heart (and really, I do)
That inside this oxidized Tupperware
Are grossly inadequate carotenoids
Meant to make me feel small (it worked)
And to ruin my life

Being thrifty can save you a bundle! Broken glass...ouch!

Cher

So this Lebanese doctor
Tells me he took his wife to the Cher concert
"She's Armenian! And she's so sexy!"
And I don't quite get it
Because there was no Middle East when I was young
Listening to Half Breed and then
Glenn Miller and Herb Alpert
There were Indians and cowboys and Mexicans
And our Sears console stereo
Did not leak blood or smell of shit
And I would stuff a pillow in my pajamas
Pretending I was fat

Seduce a friend! Regret is a type of cheese!

Hot Lipids

human woman breast
landslide in Laguna Beach
a crib from Target

it all starts with milk
the ground literally shifts
to make room for life

we draw warmth closer
and rebuild on the faultline
this building is strong

Good friends have babies! Have a baby!

Sat. Fat

In my dream I was surrounded by concerned people
All of them faceless
White people
Without benefit of face
Yet concerned about me

The doctor in the group told his interns
About how I must be really depressed
And it was true
About thirteen expressions of concern
Each face a hair-framed Ganzfield
Every one of them focused on me

The dream is over now
Of course
And I have lived through the day
Knowing that all dreams bring with them
Some truth
And when I sleep tonight
I hope those thirteen faceless bastards
Bother someone else

Stare at an American Flag! The blue color is the absence of feathers!

Larry King

He fights for the strong
While destroying the world
Larry
Larry
He should have been buried
Buried alive
Larry
Larry
He eats human flesh
As part of a bizarre ritual
Larry
Larry
And he drinks his own urine
And that of others, too
Why won't he die?
Why wasn't he buried?
Buried alive!

Television is the cure. Disease is the disease!

Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus

The first-line oral agents let me down
Didn't they?
Now I'm just another 21st-century
Pus-draining neo-leper
Haiku Pus-Draining Neo-Leper
skin becomes a myth
when component parts dissolve
nature liquifies

I tried to scratch off my nipples as a child! Still got 'em!

Warning!

Today's nutrient utilizes a new technology to bring nutrients into your body. It is experimental and should only be read if you are willing to chance a possible meeting with the Manager.
Transmitter/Recipient (Sheraton Hotel Remix)
You cannot argue that the goverment wants to believe us
Because sometimes a trapdoor is tripped up
And dead government agents must be pulled quickly
To the relative safety of calmed water

Taking too much can make people hate you! Taking too little can leave people at the dance club!

Mercury (79 24' Flair by Fleetwood)

Live the dream
and bring your home with you
24 foot motorhome with strong 440
and less than 60k miles on engine
Death forces sale
First $2000 cash takes it

Why bother trying? Craigslist poetry rules the roost!

Darjeeling II

Drunk friend tells me to fuck off in an email
Which makes sense, since I never came through
On my promise to "have my brother's back"
I do not have my brother's back
Because these "brother's back" promises
Are extracted by tipsy surgeons
Initially hailed as successful and life-saving procedures
Of which they are neither

Do you have my back? Then let go.